“You should have driven away,” he grates. “You should have driven away and just kept driving, but you—” He breaks off, his grip tightening. “You could have fuckingdied.”
Haven’s lips part. Whatever she expected, it wasn’t this.
“Promise me right here, right now, that you’ll never,everdo that again.”
“I did what I had to do.” Haven’s composure cracks a little. “I can’t promise I won’t have to do that again.”
I had no choice.
She wraps her arms around herself, and I can’t help but see the scared, blood-soaked girl she was that night.
My hand tightens on Kai’s bicep.
“She didn’t have a choice,” I say. “And if she’s ever in that situation again, I hope she protects herself.”
The wind rustles the leaves, making Haven shiver. Kai and I worked up a sweat with all the digging, but all Haven had to do was hold the flashlight. I’m not sure if the tremble of her lips is from the cold, or from her holding back tears.
“Help him understand,” I say softly, brushing a strand of hair from her face. She flinches, then stills. “Tell him how it felt when you realized Lenny wasn’t getting up.” My thumb traces her cheekbone. “Tell us everything.”
Her breath catches.
The three of us are standing close enough that I can feel the heat from both their bodies. She looks at me, then Kai, then down at the ground.
“You enjoyed it, didn’t you?” I murmur, tracing my knuckles down her jaw.
“Rooke—” Kai growls.
“It felt good, didn’t it? So fuckingsatisfying.” I press, ignoring him. I cup her jaw, tilting her face up toward mine. “When you heard his bones break. When you felt the impact…some part of you loved it.”
Haven’s pupils dilate. Her tongue darts out to wet her lips.
“Yes,” she breathes.
There it is.
The truth she’s been hiding, even from herself.
“Tell us,” I coax, my thumb stroking her lower lip. “Tell us what it felt like.”
“It felt…amazing.” She swallows hard, eyes skittish as she tries to decide who to look at—me or Kai. She chooses the ground, then the canopy of leaves above us. “Like I’d been drowning my whole life, and I finally came up for air.” Her voice drops to a whisper, a strange, hollow smile touching her mouth. “I laughed, Bastian. While I was doing it. I laughed, and I couldn’t stop.”
“Good girl.”
Her eyes flutter, her body swaying toward mine.
“You’re not a monster, Haven.” I lean closer, my lips brushing her ear. “You’re a survivor.” My free hand finds her hip, pulling her against me. “All three of us, we’re survivors.”
“Rooke.” Kai’s voice is strained with warning, but I don’t look at him. I’m too focused on Haven—on the flush creeping up her neck, the rapid rise and fall of her chest, the way she’s gripping my shirt like she’s still afraid I’ll push her away.
“All you did was protect yourself,” I murmur against her ear. “No one else was going to do it.” My hand slides from her hip to the small of her back, pressing her closer. “You should be proud of yourself.”
“I am,” she whispers.
The guilt, the shame, the fear of rejection—it all melts away. When her eyes lock with mine, there’s something feral in them.
She kisses me.
It’s not soft or tentative. It’s desperate, demanding, her fingers fisting in my hair as she pulls me down to her level. I let her take what she needs, opening for her, groaning into her mouth when her teeth catch my lower lip.
