Rooke considers for a moment. “Tickling.”
Haven claps a hand over her mouth. Rooke raises an eyebrow at her, but she just shakes her head.
“And, for now at least, we’ll have to be discreet on campus grounds. I’m already on thin ice with the dean. Another incident and I could lose my position.”
“So we just pretend nothing’s happening?” I ask lightly.
“This arrangement is entirely separate from academic life.” He glances at me, then back to Haven. “By all appearances, you two are still dating. I remain your professor, nothing more.”
The relief that floods leaves me feeling lightheaded. I didn’t even think about the public aspect of things until right now. AndJesus, I’m definitelynotready to explain to anyone—my friends, my family, the fucking world—that I’m fucking a guy, let alone my professor. That both of us are.Together.
“Yeah,” I say, probably too quickly. “Makes sense.”
Rooke’s eyes linger on me a beat too long, but I ignore him.
“One more thing.” He sets down his wineglass. “You two have plans for Thanksgiving?”
Haven laughs so loudly, the hostess standing at the door turns to look over at us.
“Sorry,” she wheezes. “It’s just…I’d kind of need a family for that—“ She breaks off into a manic-sounding giggle.
Rooke’s gaze shifts to me.
“No,” I say automatically. But then, because he just keeps staring, I keep talking. “But my mom keeps texting. She really wants us to spend Thanksgiving together this year. Don’t know why the fuck she’s pushing so hard, but yeah.” I brush off Haven’s suddenly concerned look with an easy shrug. “Obviously I’m not going?—“
“You should,” Rooke says.
I stare at him. “Fuck no.”
“May I offer an observation?” His voice is calm, measured.
“Can I stop you?”
“Yes.”
“Fine,” I mutter, becausesince whendoes Bastian Rooke accept a no? “Observe away.”
He leans forward, elbows on the table, fingers laced. “You’ve been hiding from your family for years. And hiding has served you well—it’s kept you alive, kept you sane. But at some point, hiding becomes its own kind of prison.”
I open my mouth to argue, but he holds up a hand.
“I’m not suggesting you forgive them. I’m not suggesting you pretend everything is fine. But facing them—choosing to walk into that house on your own terms, as the person you’ve become—that’s not weakness. That’s power.” He pauses. “They only control you as long as you’re afraid of them. The moment you stop hiding, they lose their hold on you.”
“Sounds like a load of bullshit to me,” I manage.
“I think he’s right, Kai. You gotta tell those fuckers to fuck right off.” Haven’s watching me with a dopey expression on her face.
It reminds me of the way she’d look at me when we’d huddle together under the overhang by the creek, waiting out a thunderstorm.
I’ll do anything for her, even stand up to my shit-stain of a family.
There’s a sudden tightness in my chest.
Haven must see the grimace on my face. She tilts her head at me as if to sayIt’s okay, I got you.And that soft expression stays right where it is when she glances over at Rooke.
As if he was with us that whole time when we were children.
As if heknows.
