“It’s not a complicated question, Kai!” I squirm in the grip of his arm, still slung around my chest. “Sounds to me like he just poured his fucking heart out, but you’re the fucking expert, right? So you tell me if it’s bullshit or not!”
I know I’m shouting.
I know it’s too much.
But that fucking message was too much.
I can’t deal with it. Any of it. And Kai’s just staring at me like he wishes more than anything he can go back in time and stop me pressing play.
“Was. That. Bullshit?” I yell at him, shoving him when he doesn’t say anything. “Come on, Kai! You know best! You’re the fucking expert! Tell me if that?—“
“I don’t know!” He grabs my shoulder, his thumb digging into the muscle beneath my collarbone. “But if I could choose, then yeah, I want it to be bullshit!”
“What! Why?”
“Because then he’d be lying like he always fucking does, and then I’d keep hating him like I so badly want to, and then all the shit that’s happened between us doesn’t mean a fucking thing. And that’s how I want it. Meaningless, random, fucking bullshit that doesn’t—“ he falters, swallowing hard “—that doesn’t mean anything.”
My heart stops. “What happened, Kai?”
His face drains of color.
“Nothing. Forget I said?—”
“Don’t you dare.” I grab his arm, forcing him to look at me. “No more secrets. That was the deal. So tell me what the fuck happened between you two.”
Kai won’t meet my eyes until I take his face in my hand and force him to look at me.
“Kai, please.” I trail my hand down his chest. “Please let me in.”
Very quietly, he murmurs, “I went to his office, and we got in a fight that somehow…that somehow ended with him sucking my dick.” Green eyes filled with pain and regret and deep, deep confusion latch onto mine again. “Ilet himsuck my dick, Haven. And I liked it.”
I should be angry. Hurt. Betrayed. Kai cheated on me…right?
Instead, all I feel is relief. Because now we’re even.
“Okay,” I say.
Kai’s head snaps up. “Okay? That’s all you have to say?”
“Yes, because itisokay. Now we can both stop pretending we’re fine.” I let out a bitter laugh as I flop onto my back. “Thank fuck for that.”
He stares at me, but there’s no relief on his face. Just resignation, and a touch of frustration. “So what do we do now?” he asks.
I look down at the voice note that just annihilated our futile attempt at a happily ever after.
“We should talk to him,” I say.
“I’m not fucking going to that house in the middle of nowhere with that?—“
He cuts off when I hold up my finger. “Somewhere public. Then we can bolt if we need to, and there are witnesses if things get…murder-y.”
Kai tries to smile, but it fades before it can take root. “Not in town. I…I don’t want anyone seeing us with him.”
I pick up my phone and start typing.
@bssweetgirl
Let’s meet up.
