Kai slips an arm around my chest, dragging me flush against him like he’s never going to let go. And fuck, how I welcome his warmth and his strength.
I’d forgotten about that day, which is wild, because I’m pretty sure that was the exact moment I fell for Bastian.
“Everything is so fucking difficult for us, isn’t it?”Our professor’s voice lilts up and down—lighthearted one moment, utterly despairing the next.“Happiness, love, connection…it’s something that happens to other people, but never to us. Never us. Because of that fucking curse.”
A shaky exhale.
“I had a revelation today. Call it an epiphany, if you will. I got a glimpse of what I’ll become one day…without you.”Bastian’s breath rattles in his throat.
“Both of you.”
Kai’s grip tightens even more when he murmurs a quiet, “Fuck,” against my shoulder. I swear I can feel his teeth on my skin, like he’s snarling or sneering.
It feels like my skull is about to crack open. Pressure builds behind my eyes, burning inside my throat, sinking deep into my stomach.
“I want what everyone else has. I want joy, and love, and someone I don’t need to manipulate into being with me. AndI know I don’t deserve that from you. Either of you. Not after what I did. But if you could just…”
Bastian lets out a ragged breath, his voice tight as he continues.
“If you could give me just one—onemore chance?—”
His voice cracks, and my body shudders at the sound. Kai drags a hand over my hair, pressing his lips to the side of my face.
There’s silence for so long, I think the message has ended.
Then Bastian chokes out,“I need you. I fucking need you, and I don’t know what I’ll do if I can’t have you. I…Christ, I don’t want to find out. I don’t.”
He takes an audible breath, like he’s trying to gather himself.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.I’m so fucking sorry for everything.”
The recording ends.
I stare at the phone, not breathing.
Then I hit play again.
“I shouldn’t be sending this.”
I expect Kai to stop me, but he doesn’t.
“…and I’ve been trying—Christ! I’ve been trying…”
We sit there listening as I replay the message. As I wipe the tears from my face. As I feel Kai’s body growing more and more tense behind me.
“…need you. I fucking need you, and I don’t know what I’ll do if?—“
Kai jabs the pause button, rips my phone out of my hand, and tosses it out of reach by the corner of the bed.
“It’s a trap,” he growls. “Ithasto be a trap. He’s manipulating us like he always does.”
I stay where I am, my hand curled around nothing. The tears emptied me out. That fuckingmessageleft me hollow as a bird bone.
I turn to look at Kai. His eyes are glazed, his jaw clenched so tight I can see the muscle jumping.
“Do you believe it’s bullshit, or do youhopeit’s bullshit?”
Kai keeps my gaze for all of one second before he looks away. “I don’t know.” The words come out broken. “I don’t fucking know, okay?”
