Her mouth slants, and unless it’s just the play of light in her irises, I swear I see sympathy there. Could be pity, too.
What would she think if she saw the other marks? The bruises on my thighs and hips? If she could feel the tenderness between my legs? If she knew my puffy bottom lip wasn’t just from my own teeth?
That I witnessed Kai damage Bastian’s mouth almost exactly the same way last night?
My clit tingles at the thought.
…Haven is a fuckn whore…
The physical evidence of what happened last night is fading fast, but the memories—those hot, fucked up memories—are only getting sharper.
“Take my mind off what?” I force out, my voice too uneven to pull off the light tone.
“Last night was rough, Haven. But as our Lord and Savior, Taylor Swift, once decreed, you just gotta shake it off.”
I laugh. Bitterly.
She frowns. “I’m being serious.”
“Pillow!” I hold my hand open, fingers stiff. “Please!”
“You’re no fun,” she mutters, tossing the pillow at me.
It does a good job of muffling my scream, but I wait until my roommate is out of earshot first, just in case. As much as I’d love just to roll over and go to sleep, my brain is fucking wide awake now.
Melissa was just joking around, but how long before someonedoesfind out what happened between me and Bastian last night? I might have jeopardized my only chance at a new life by sleeping with my professor. Sure, I could argue I didn’t consent. But…I did. I fucking did, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop hating myself for it.
That can never happen again. Not with him,definitelynot with Kai.
The decision slams into me with the force of a train.
Itwon’thappen again.
My life is messy enough as it is. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m going to do next week. Nora keeps trying to get hold of my dad. When she can’t, someone’s going to figure out I forged his signature and social security number on that form.
Then what?
It would take an Immaculate Conception-level miracle for me to survive that unscathed.
Best case scenario? I’m kicked out of school, forced to live in my car, working at the diner after I crawled in there to beg for my job back.
Worst case? I get charged with fraud, which goes on my permanent record, and wind up hooking so I can buy more drugs.
Should have seen this coming. I blame the media. Maybe I missed them all, but I’ve never seen a movie where parents were involved in a kid’s college life after they’re dropped off during orientation week.
After all, I was planning on perfect attendance. Grades just good enough to graduate without drawing attention. I was going to be the invisible student no one would remember after graduation, who’d go on to live a calm, stress-free life with just enough money never to have to worry about money ever again.
Is that too much to fucking ask?
Of course it is.
Apparently, I owe Kai a ginormous karmic debt because teenage Haven was a needy little bitch. And somehow that karmic debt bled through to Ezra, because he suddenly has it out for me too.
How can I go back to my already fucked-up level of normal after this?
Punching my pillow doesn’t make me feel any better, and it honestly doesn’t deserve the abuse. But I do it anyway, because it’s that or scream again. Or heading to Lookout Point in Bastian’s Land Rover.
Possibly for the last time ever.
