There’s blood on my jaw. More on my hands.
And when I put my hand between my legs, I feel more blood there.
Proof that I finally gave what I’d saved for so long to the boy I could never stop loving, even when he spat at me. When he choked me. When he told me he hated me.
I feel different.
Empty, like I’ve been hollowed out. But twice as heavy at the same time. I guess now that the drugs are out of my system, all I’m noticing is how the world isn’t a gorgeous sparkling kaleidoscope of love and lust like it was last night.
I grab toilet paper and wipe, groaning when I just see more blood.
That’s more than I’d expect from just losing my virginity. Unless…did my period start last night?
My eyes dart to the towel rail, and thank God my underwear is hanging there. Bastian must have put it on there after I showered last night.
I grimace as I slide it up to my knees, because it’s still stained with paint. If there’s one thing I’ve absolutely despised the past couple of months, it’s the handful of times I was forced to wear dirty underwear.
Wadding up some more toilet paper, I lay it on my underwear and pull them up all the way, yanking the chain out when it gets caught in the elastic waistband.
I pad barefoot back into Bastian’s bedroom and stare at the two men sprawled on the king-sized bed. Both naked. Both with their arms outstretched to the empty spot between them where I’d been sleeping.
Kai with his messy bronze-and-gold hair.
Rooke’s face is turned away from me, but his usually neat dark hair is just as messy.
I stare openly at them, because why the fuck not? They saw every inch of me last night. Fair’s fair.
Their muscles. Kai’s bare ass. The curve of Rooke’s hip.
I wish they were closer together. Holding each other. And I don’t fucking know why.
…you want me to fuck him?…
Oh, right. They were touching each other, too. Kissing like they wanted to destroy each other.
God, that was so fucking hot.
…she likes that…
I liked all of it, even when I said I didn’t.
At least…I don’t regret anything. That means I wanted it, right?
Fuck, those drugs were strong. I’m not even sure about half the stuff that happened last night.
There’s so much blood streaking Bastian’s sheets. Guess my period started before Kai?—
…it’s meant to hurt the first time…
—made love to me.
And yes, maybe it’s fucked up that I call it that when it happened while I was sandwiched between him and my professor, but I swear, in that moment, it was just me and him.
Under the maple tree.
The warm sun dappling my skin through the canopy of leaves.
And it was that day, and it all went right, and we’ve been together ever since.
