Because he fucking hurt me that day. Kai crushed my heart, poured it in a pipe, and smoked it.
He was my first love, my first heartbreak, my first lesson that wanting someone doesn’t mean you get to keep them. So all the apologies I meant to say spill into my mind.
I’m sorry, Kai.
I love you, Kai.
Please…please don’t hurt me again, Kai.
But he does.
Him and Bastian.
They hurt me…and it feels…
Fuck…
It feels so fucking good.
Because I deserve it for being the girl who loved too hard. Wanted too much.
And never learned when to fucking let go.
Chapter 13
Kai
I’m a fucking sadist. What the fuck am I still doing here? Why haven’t I called the cops on Rooke? Onmyself?
The wrongness of this moment, of our actions, it’s radiating through my entire body like a preternatural fever.
Or is it need?
Because, fuck, I need release so bad I might die without it.
Is that why I watch Rooke as he traces his fingers down Haven’s belly, as he strokes her pussy?
Like I’ll get what I need through some bullshit vicarious thrill.
Can’t stop watching though.
Can’t stop trying to get blood pumping through my dick, because this feels like a race, and I’m lagging way, way behind.
Rooke’s been hard since he showed me how to tie Haven to the headboard. I’m surprised he’s still got his cock in his pants. I’d be inside Haven already, making her scream again, but in a different way.
Like I wish I’d done three years ago, when she’dwantedme to.
Before I’d pussied out.
But, fuck, man, she was sixteen, and I’d turned twenty less than two months before that.
People get locked up for that. A senior in our frat had just been in court for that shit.
I knew she wouldn’t tell. But it still felt wrong. Maybe because I’d known Haven since she was a little girl, and sometimes, when she grinned just right, I could still see that blond-haired, blue eyed little nymph dancing in the wildflowers.
She was trying to make me feel better, saying it was just sex.
That just made it worse.
