“Sure, but we all end up alone in the end anyhow. So what’s the point? Rarely do both people die together, someone is almost always left behind.”
A low hum escaped his lips as the side of his face pressed against my breast and his tongue lapped at my nipple. It wasn’t only the sex I started looking forward to, but the time we spent together afterwards. I’d gotten to know so much more about him in those moments.
I ran a finger over the large sigil tattooed on his back. The black and gray tattoo was massive. A large rocky mountain, crowned with a silver crescent moon on its curved back, took up most of the space within a filigree-bordered shield. In the foreground, two onyx hilted swords crossed, exposing the jagged mountain behind them. A single wyvern flew to the right, just beyond the moon at the mountain's peak. It was beautifully designed and executed.
I inhaled deeply and committed to spilling my family’s secrets to the man I’d quickly become attached to. “My mother killed herself a little over six months ago.” Col’s tracing fingers stilled. “Kamden’s execution was really hard on her—it was difficult for everyone. Not that I’d know, I wasn’t even there.”
“What happened?” he asked.
“I was furious he involved himself with the resistance to begin with, and when he got caught—” I took in a long breath and then forced myself to continue. “When the missive arrived, I was in the eastern part of Rivale touring with Torin. We were selling the jewelry we’d made. I had decided Iwouldn’t attend, maybe even thought it wouldn’t really happen.”
My hands twirled in his hair as I found the words I’d been so ashamed to admit.
“The day before he was to be executed, I left to go home. But by the time I made it back to the capital, I was too late. My parents were distraught, and my father was beaten when he tried to interfere." I closed my eyes as I recalled seeing the aftermath.
His fingers returned to delicately trace my arm, sending a shiver through me.
“My mother became despondent. The garden wasn’t tended to, she refused to go to the market, and bills were piling up. So I took over, figured all she needed was time. We were all grieving. But with my father unable to work, I was the one who needed to step up—which was fine. I was capable of doing so.”
Col shifted to his side, and stared up at me in my periphery, but I kept my eyes set on the skylights in his room.
“I sent a missive to Torin, telling him I would return in a few months. A local tavern hired me in the evenings, and that helped subsidize the missing income.” I laid there for several minutes before continuing to the worst part of the story. “One night, my father came to visit me at work, and when we returned home, everything was … wrong.” I paused. “My mother had burned oleander in her bedroom. She closed the door and windows and never woke up.”
Col swallowed hard.
“I destroyed the evidence. We didn’t report her death for what it was—didn’t want the shame of what came with it. I should have seen how much pain she was in, but didn’t.” I fidgeted with my fingers. “So, that’s why I started the list. They tore my family apart, and now I’m going to do the same to them.”
“Let me help you.” His voice was a soft plea.
“You can’t.” I shook my head and kept my words light. “It’s something I need to do on my own.”
Col blew out a long breath and lay on his back.
“Have you ever wanted something so badly that you feel like once you succeed, you’ll be able to take a full breath again? Like nothing else is as important as finishing the task?” I hesitated. “Like life doesn’t even matter unless you do it?”
“I assure you, nothing will right the wrongs. If you succeed, the feelings of guilt and grief will remain until you work through them.” His voice was low. “Even then, those feelings will come back to haunt you later.”
A low hum crept from my throat. “When we were young, Kamden and I used to leave small gifts for each other. Trinkets, flowers, little pastries, all sorts of things. Killing his executioner and King Sutton is my last gift to him.” A tear fell from the corner of my eye. “I regret not being there for him in his final moments. This is the least I can do.” I blew out a breath. “You can’t possibly understand.”
I slid out of bed and began putting my clothes on. It was one thing to spend hours exploring his body, but another to sleep next to him. I had a week left, and there was no reason to play house.
“I’ve lost people too.” Col turned to watch me dress.
“My brother risked everything, and ultimately my mother was left in the wake of his destruction.”
“Are you not risking everything as well? What about the people who love you? Aren’t you doing the same thing your brother did, but to them?”
“My father will be fine.” I scoffed. He couldn’t know what it felt like to have a tyrannical king dictate your family’s safety. Bending down, I tied my boots.
Col rolled out of bed and wrapped himself around me from behind.
“You’re going to make me fall.” I chuckled and tilted forward, steadying myself against the bed.
“I’ll never let you fall, Audryn,” he whispered in my ear. “I love you.”
My body stilled. A minute passed before I stood and turned to face him. His naked body pressed against the front of me, and suddenly the thin fabric of my clothes made it feel like we were miles apart, perhaps on different continents.
“You can’t say things like that,” I murmured. “You don’t mean it.”
