He rubbed a thumb over my tears and moved to lay gentle kisses along the streaks. “Are you okay?” His expression was thoughtful and without judgment.
I nodded.
“Want to talk about it?”
I shook my head, still not fully understanding the source of my tears.
Working his mouth across my collarbone, he landed on my black and gray tattooed shoulder and paused. Tilting his head, he traced his index finger down the serpentine line of smoke winding through a dozen oleander flowers.
“This is beautiful.” He paused and found the single flower where a bee lay resting on the petal. “You really have a thing for bees, huh?” He dragged out of me and shifted to lie on his side; I felt his stare while I remained dazed on my back.
I shook my head. “They’re useful in the garden, but my brother, Kamden, had a thing for them.”
“Kam,” he whispered and nodded slowly, not taking his eyes or finger off the inky bumblebee.
“He used to spit out a bunch of stupid bee facts while working in the garden. It was mostly meant to annoy me—but now, I’d do anything to hear them again.”
Col didn’t push for more and only ran the tip of a neatly trimmed nail up the smoke, making me shiver. Tugging at the oversized blanket, he flipped it over me, creating a makeshift sleeping bag.
“He died a little over a year and a half ago.” I inhaled a shaky breath. “It was stupid. He got caught working for the resistance and was publicly executed for it.”
Col’s eyes drew to mine, but he remained quiet.
I shifted my gaze and stared at the moon through the glass embedded in the ceiling. “It was his choice. We all get to make our own choices, right? Fuck everyone else affected by those choices, I guess.”
If Col had any thoughts, he didn’t share them. He just lay there and listened.
“There was a book at Sutton Castle. It held the name of his executioner.” I paused before deciding to lay everything out there for judgment. “I was going to find the executioner and kill him.”
A low hum rumbled from Col’s chest.
“But Ryder destroyed the records, and now I’m not sure what to do.” I blew out a breath. “Not only with the executioner, but with the king. I was going to kill him too. Oh, and Hunt. He’s a guard who stole food from a child begging on the street.”
“Quite the list you've got there.” Col chuckled and blew out a whistle.
“Well, the king is dying, so I probably won’t get much satisfaction from that death, but he was the one who ordered Kam’s execution. And the guard is just for my personal appeasement, I suppose. I even borrowed a dagger from my brother’s friend tokill them all, or at least kill the ones I can get to before getting caught.”
He laid quiet for several minutes before his voice filled the space between us. “What type of flower is this?” His finger circled my tattoo.
“Oleander,” I mused. “The entire thing is lethal from stem to flower—even the roots are deadly. Burning it is a pretty effective way to go if you’re trying to kill yourself. The smoke will do you in.”
His brows furrowed. “Is that what you’re planning to do?”
“No.” The back of my throat burned. It didn’t matter how much time had passed, I would always struggle to divulge the stain on my mother’s life. “My mother …” My words faltered, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get them to leave my mouth. They’d been sitting there waiting to be freed, but some force held them back. Grief. It was the type of pain that always threatened to split me open at the mention or thought of her.
“You don’t owe me anything.” His mouth formed a thin line. “If ever you want to talk, I’m here. But until then …” his voice trailed, and he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before laying on his back. “We all have our stuff, and nobody is owed an explanation until we’re ready to share.”
A knock on the door made me jolt. If Fisher or anyone else found me in Col’s bed, Ryder would make me pay. Likely with my life.
“Fuck, this better be important.” Col stood and grabbed at the clothes on the floor, exposing the large sigil tattooed across his back. “What do you want?” he called out.
“Sorry to bother you, Brother.” Micah’s voice breezed through the closed door. “But we have a situation.”
Col’s shoulders drooped as he blew out an exaggerated breath. “Yeah, okay, I’ll be right down.” He slid on his pants, drew his attention to me, and narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you dare think of moving from this spot.”
“Oh, I don’t spend the night in anyone’s bed. It’s one of my things, and?—”
“I’m not just anyone,” he interrupted, “and neither are you.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “Please stay. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Promise.”
