I check in with myself. My chest still feels raw, but not so tight. “Tired,” I say. “But not like before. I feel like… I can breathe a bit easier, I guess.”
“That’s a good place to stop today,” she says kindly, a warm smile touching her face. “Would you like to look at booking another session?”
“Yes,” comes quickly, before she even finishes the question. We pick a time next week, and I ask her to keep it the same each week.
Indefinitely.
She walks me to the door. The hallway feels different on the way out—not as daunting. I can do this. I can keep coming here.
Outside, the air is cool. I drag it into my lungs and let it go slowly. The walk back to town is longer than I remembered, but I take it slow, enjoying the familiar sights I’ve grown up around.
By the time I reach Evergreen, it’s early afternoon. The windows are dark, and the sign is flipped. There’s a note in Noah’s messy handwriting:Closed for the day.I look around, half expecting the echo of old ghosts, but all I see is my store.
My space.
My home.
And upstairs, waiting for me, the man I love.
48
NOAH
Gabe said he didn’t want me waiting around today. Said he needed to do this part alone. I told him okay. But I took the day off anyway. If he wants space, he can have it. I’ll go for a walk or something. I just want to be here when he comes home.
Aiden sounded concerned when I called off, but I told him it was just the flu. I don’t like lying to him, but I don’t know what Gabe wants to share with people, and I won’t take that decision from him.
I’m so proud of him for going. I waited by the window this morning, watching him walk to his appointment with tears in my eyes. The part of me that wants to protect him and keep him safe told me to follow him, but I know he needs to do this for himself.
I took advantage of the empty apartment and spent my morning in the small garden behind the store. I snuck down there the other week for the first time, remembering Gabe saying he always wanted to do something with it. It’s tiny, like he said, but it has great light. I spent some time digging up weeds and thinking of things I could do with the space. I’m no gardener, butI want to do this for him. It’ll probably take a few months, but it’ll be worth it. I have a solidPinterestboard going already.
When it’s close to the time his appointment’s supposed to end, I run upstairs to shower. I dress fast—sweatpants and a clean tee—and see one of Gabe’s cardigans on the bed. I bring it to my nose and inhale. That smell of amberwood and lavender I’ve come to love fills my system. I pull it on, getting a sense of security in the feel of it. I understand why he loves them so much.
I stand at the window where I can stare down the street like a weirdo.
He turns the corner five minutes later. I start pacing the hallway. I know I need to calm down, but until I see his face—know that he’s okay—I won’t be able to.
The door handle rattles. I step back from the hall. I don’t want to crowd him. He comes in, hangs his coat on the hook, and kicks off his shoes, leaving them in our messy pile. Then his eyes lift to mine. They’re tired but bright. He looks more present than when he left.
“Hi, baby,” I say. I try to keep my voice level, but it cracks at the end.
“Hi, Blue.” It comes out so soft. He lifts the corner of his mouth in a small smile, and my heart works double time. I walk a little closer to him in the hall, and he steps into me, wrapping his arms around my middle and holding me tightly. I tuck my face into his neck, relieved that he seems okay.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask gently.
He thinks for a second, then shakes his head against mine. “Yes, but not yet.”
He pulls back and takes my hand, bringing me to the sofa. When I sit down, he straddles me and curls himself in so he’s under my chin. It’s impressive, really—a man of his size, but itfeels so right. I rub soothing circles over his back as he melts into me.
“I’m going again next week,” he whispers. There’s a pause, and then he continues, “I’m going to go every week.”
Emotion clogs my throat, but I don’t care. This is Gabe, and I won’t hide it from him. “I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong. My brave boy.” I kiss his forehead.
He squirms a little and lifts his head. I see the flush on his cheeks and the shy smile. Oh, he liked that. I kiss the tip of his nose, and he laughs softly, eyes shining. He leans in close and brushes his lips against mine.
“Only you,” he breathes.
“Only me what?” I ask, watching him.
