I lean back on the sofa and squeeze my eyes shut.
I should have said something. Asked him more about his life this past year. I wanted to know.
No… It’s better to stay quiet. Not draw attention to myself.
My heartbeat is in my throat like it’s trying to choke me. My fingers drift to my cheek against my will, the tips of my blunt nails pricking against the scar. I grit my teeth against the sting.
He’s here. There’s someone else here. I thought I was ready for this. But now it’s hitting me that this isn’t just an idea anymore. Noah’s in the room down the hall. His stuff is here. My space isn’t just mine now. When I go to bed, he’s going to be across the hall. When I wake up, he’ll still be here.
I feel sick.
My phone vibrates on the sofa beside me, group chat lighting up.
Ciarán’s sent a GIF—a naked man running through a forest, a man dressed like a werewolf chasing him. Normally it would make me laugh. Right now it feels like it’s happening from far away.
I type before I can overthink it.
AA Meetings (Anal & Angst)
Me:I’m freaking out.
Abbie:Oh no. What’s going on?
My thumbs move quickly.
Me:Noah’s here.
Me:He asked to hang out. Then we were in the living room for a while. I sat there not really saying anything.
Me:Now I keep thinking about how strange that must have been for him.
Ciarán’s reply comes so fast, I picture him flopped on his couch, phone already in hand.
Ciarán:So? Silence is a vibe.
Ciarán:He’s lucky you didn’t start info-dumping about homemade tea blends.
A smile spreads across my face. Which I’m sure was his aim. I tuck myself further into the sofa.
Abbie:Sitting together is still hanging out. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Me:What if he thinks I’m weird?
Ciarán:Gabe. He moved in knowing you’re a cryptid who lives above a bookshop. He’s not expecting you to turn into the life of the party.
A tiny laugh bubbles out of me.
Abbie:Ciarán’s right. He’s being a brat about how he’s saying it… but he’s right. Noah wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want to be. You’re allowed to be quiet. I’m sure he didn’t mind.
Me:I feel like an idiot. I shouldn’t be stressing over something like this. I’m messing this up already.
Abbie:You’re not an idiot. You’re not messing anything up. He knows you, he knows you’re quiet. Slow breaths. Everything’s okay.
Ciarán:And if that doesn’t work, picture Noah naked.
Abbie:Ciarán O’Shea!
Ciarán:What? It’sverycalming. It’s working for me.
