Is that what Noah is?
The word doesn’t feel wrong, just… too small for what this is. We’ve known each other most of our lives now, but somehow, we ended up here. I want to believe he won’t turn away from all the damage within me. There’s something in him that feels like home. Like we were always meant to reach this point, no matter how long it took.
“Okay, let the investigation begin,” Ciarán says cheekily while rolling his imaginary sleeves up, pulling me out of my thoughts. “Is he big? He looks big. Say when.” He places his hands together and slowly starts pulling them apart. The more the space grows, the more his brows go up. I just stare at him with a blank face, but then memories of Noah talking about the size of my cock pop into my head, and I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.
“Whipped cream users?” Abbie asks ridiculously, waggling her brows.
“Too sticky,” I say, trying to be funny, then immediately regret opening my mouth when they both pounce on that.
“Oh, really? And what level of stickiness works for you?” Abbie teases as I throw my head back and groan.
“Oh, I know! They playJust Dance, right? Interpretive dance sex,” Ciarán adds with mock innocence. “The music swells. So do their…”
Abbie dissolves into a fit of giggles.
“Stop,” I beg, running my hands over my face, trying not to laugh. “You’re both awful.”
“You love us,” Abbie singsongs.
I really, really do.
When they leave, I tidy up and settle on the sofa with my journal, waiting for Noah to come home. I write a passage about dancing in the kitchen. About the song we danced to, how so many parts of it remind me of him.
I must fall asleep writing, and when I wake, it’s to movement beside me on the sofa. Before I even open my eyes, I know it’s him. Cedar and salt envelop me. My eyes flutter open, and there he is. Noah leans closer, his hand lifts, and I go still. Then his fingers brush my cheek, light as a feather.
He doesn’t say anything. His eyes stay on mine, steady and unwavering. That blue is deeper this close—like the sea under a night sky, calm and endless, with just enough shimmer to catch me. I’ve seen him grin, heard his laughter fill every space around me, but it’s this quiet that pulls me in most.
For the last year, I’ve been searching for peace in silence and isolation, in keeping myself hidden. I never really found it.
But now… here he is.
And for the first time since I woke, I feel like myself.
So I look back at him, let the moment stretch, then climb into his lap, knees braced on either side of his thighs. His arms come around me, palms caressing my back, and he lets out a relieved breath that I feel in every part of my body. I press my lips to his neck and let him hold me.
29
NOAH
I’m hanging with Aiden tonight. The hockey game is playing low on the TV, the scrape of skates and the occasional screams of the crowd fill the room. An open pizza box sits on the coffee table, down to crusts and one slice neither of us wants because there’s no cheese.
Every so often, laughter rises from the shop below. Book club. I love hearing it. Love knowing Gabe is down there laughing. They did invite us, Theo, too, but we declined. Some day we might do a group one, but it’s good for them to let loose as their little trio. He needs it. I saw the haunted look in his eyes last night, the nightmare still weighing heavily on him. He seems better today. Time with his people will be good for him.
And when it’s over, Gabe will come home toourapartment. That thought shouldn’t make me so giddy.
Aiden looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, then I realize I’ve been smiling broadly into space. “Are you seriously sitting there daydreaming about my brother again?” he asks gruffly, but there’s amusement in his tone.
“Always,” I reply. He laughs and looks away, muttering that I’m a simp. And he is correct.
“Gym memberships are steady enough,” Aiden says conversationally, eyes still on the game. He tilts his beer and taps the bottle against his knee. “We’re paying the bills, but it could be better.”
“That’s a win,” I say, trying to keep positive. The first couple of weeks were so busy, I thought the place would be packed nonstop, but when the free trial period ended, a lot of people tapered off. That’s business, but we’re still doing well enough for a new venture. I’m not worried, and I don’t want Aiden to be either. “First year’s all momentum. Once word spreads, we’ll get more clients.”
He grunts. “Yeah, suppose you’re right. Between co-parenting and Rose’s protest against naps, I’m running on fumes. I found Cheerios in my gym bag today.Again.”
I grin. “Aw, she sent you to work with a little snacky.”
“Don’t start.” He tries not to smile and fails. “Also, daycare sent me a note. Apparently, Goldfish crackers aren’t a ‘healthy snack.’ Who knew?” He rolls his eyes toward the ceiling and mutters so quietly I don’t think it’s for me. “A fucking note from daycare.”
