“And did you?” He reluctantly took his hand back to navigate a section of road that twisted through the seam of a river valley.
“I spent a whole weekend making the posters.”
“Good for you.”
“No one joined.”
“Oh.”
“I was eleven.”
“I would have joined.”
She stared at him as if trying to figure something out.
“What?” he said eventually.
“A couple of days ago I would have said there’s no way a guy like you would have joined my book club, even at that age.”
“And now?”
“I believe you. If only we’d met then—we could have been hermits together.” She thought for a few seconds. “Or maybe that wouldn’t have been healthy.”
“We might not have pushed each other outside our comfort zones.” Though it could have saved him from more reckless outlets. Maybe then Ethan would be alive, still competing with Griffin for roles, awards, girlfriends. Still hugging his dad.
“I remember Vivien saying to me, ‘You don’t need sucky other people, you have me.’” Lana’s voice melted at the edges. “But now I run a book club at my library, and everyone is welcome. Everyone belongs in a library.”
He smiled. He couldn’t imagine feeling like he belonged in a library, but he was glad she’d found her place.
It took all of a few minutes to pass through Cedarwood Falls, though the only features on the outskirts of town were plowed fields, a truck depot, and a sawmill. The commune was another ten minutes on, down a narrow road that felt like the end of the world. Lana directed him to park in a lot surrounded by fir and pine trees, beside a low wooden building with a rustic sign pronouncing it as The Organic Café. He turned off the engine and a heavy silence descended, both between them and outside.
“Should I wait here?” he said. “I don’t want to make things uncomfortable.”
“After taking me all this way? I’m not going to leave you sitting in the car—unless you’d rather sit it out? The café is only open weekends, so you’re in luck. It’s where the commune folks make money off the ‘normies.’”
“I see what you did there. And I’d like to come, but your call.”
“I’d like you to be there with me.” The words seemed to take a lot out of her. “I’m not sure what I’m going to say.”
He cupped her shoulder. “You’ll figure it out.”
As they walked through a village of modest, well-kept timber houses, he resisted a weird urge to take Lana’s hand. A woman carrying a chainsaw greeted her warmly, stopping as if to chat, but Lana cheerfully acknowledged her and walked on. The woman looked up at him and her jaw dropped. They passed several more people, who all had a similar reaction.
“Lana, if these folks don’t watch TV or movies, why are they staring at me?”
“Let me break this down for you. You’re hot.”
He rolled his eyes.
“Also, you’re with me.”
“You don’t bring guys home to meet the commune?”
“For this reason. Also, I’ve never been with a guy long enough. Ironic, since I’ve known you for a day and a half—not that I’m saying I’mwithyou.” She stopped at a white cottage with a steep, gabled roof, nestled among tall trees. Twin dormer windows poked out of the roof, giving it a storybook appeal, though with extensive solar panels. “Well, this is it. I’m not sure I want to do this. I’m not sure I want to believe any of it, but walking through that door… There’ll be no going back.”
“There never is.” He drew her into a hug—it was becoming their thing. She fit so neatly into him, like she belonged there.
She wasn’t the only one starting to feel like there was no going back.
