Intrusive. Uninvited. Impossible to shake.
“I don’t want chaos,” I mutter.
“Maybe chaos wants you,” she says.
I look away, pretending my dumpling is the most fascinating thing I’ve ever seen. I pull my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Clearly.” She softens, shifting to sit cross-legged facing me. “Okay. Real talk. Do you actually like Theo, or do you like theideaof him?”
The question lands. I think about his sage-green voice. The calm that settles over me when he’s nearby. The way he’s smart without being loud about it, kind without expecting anything in return. Safe. Predictable. Understandable.
Everything I need.
“I really like him,” I say quietly. “He’s...steady.”
“Steady.” Aubrey repeats the word like she’s testing it. “That’s one way to describe a guy.”
“What’s wrong with steady?”
“Nothing. Steady’s great. Steady’s safe.” She picks at the edge of her sweatshirt. “But when’s the last time steady made you feel hot and bothered?”
The question hits wrong because I don’t have an answer. Hot and bothered isn’t a feeling I’ve ever had for anyone.
Until Kieran O’Connor.
That sharp, electric, skin-prickling awareness that made my pulse forget its rhythm when he sat down next to me in class and angled his knee into my space without asking permission.
“Theo makes me feel safe,” I insist.
“Okay,” Aubrey says. “But does he make you feel…tingly?”
I don’t answer.
She watches me for a long moment, her expression softening. “I’m not trying to be harsh. I just—” She hesitates, choosing her words carefully. “You’ve had…a lot to carry, Wren. More than most people our age. I get why safe feels like the only option.”
My jaw tightens. “Safe is realistic.”
“And what about happy?” she asks quietly.
“Happy is expensive.” The words slip out sharper than I expect. “Happy is risky. Happy is distraction I can’t afford.”
“I know.” Her voice softens. “But you’re also allowed to be a twenty-year-old college student who has a crush and does something about it. Can we address the elephant in the room, please?”
I shrug my shoulders. She means Kieran O’Connor, and we both know it, no use pretending otherwise.
“He wants me to tutor him.”
“Ok, that’s a start. And you said…?”
“No.”
She blinks. “Why?”
I open my mouth. Close it. Try again.
“Because it’s a bad idea.”
“That’s not a reason.”
