It was me.
No wonder Elias hates me. No wonder he’s avoided me like I was poison all these years. How can henothate me?
Grief and guilt stab into my heart.
I led The Association straight to them. They couldn’t find the apartment because his dad had switched the numbers. His parents must’ve known danger was coming. I saw their packed bags by the door. The two men must’ve followed me.
I killed them. It didn’t matter whether it was ignorance or an accident. The result was the same.
Kian and Sofia became orphans overnight because of me.
“I-I’m so sorry,” I sob into my knees.
Fragments of the past slam into me, not letting me go.
Kian and I carving our message in the tree.
And years later, a towering, scarred man showing up at my family’s doorstep, his beautiful green eyes searing into mine.
The levers snap into place, the crisp clicking of the unsolvable puzzle finally revealing its answers.
“No, no, no,” I whisper, my mind mad with grief, my heart in tatters.
Warm, rough fingers tilt my chin up. A pained sound rumbles from Elias’s chest.
Then, his mouth crushes mine in a savage kiss.
Chapter 41: DESPITE EVERYTHING
I cling to himas he deepens our kiss, his mouth moving urgently against mine. He lifts and presses me against the wall, hand clutching my nape, fingers tangling in my hair. His tongue delves inside my mouth, licking, tasting, claiming me as heat unfurls low in my belly.
“Don’t cry,” he whispers. “Your tears hurt more than bullets.”
More sobs rack me. How could he kiss me, hold me like this after what I’d done? Even if it was an accident, even if I didn’t mean to. His parents and baby sister still died because of my actions.
I clutch his neck, pressing kisses over his tear-streaked face, the rough stubble on his jaw, his soft, beautiful lips, needing to tell him without words everything I’m feeling—love, guilt, regret, anger—too many emotions to name.
But I know this much.
It’s always been him.
“How do you not hate me?” I ask as we break apart for air.
Elias pulls in a rough breath, the green in his eyes long eclipsed by his pupils. He brushes his thumb tenderly across my cheek, wiping away my tears.
“I tried to tell myself I hate you,” he murmurs, his finger dipping to my bottom lip, slowly pressing until it trembles beneath his touch. “And sometimes I thought I had succeeded.”
A whimper lodges in my throat. Keeping my eyes locked on his, I suck his thumb, my tongue dipping out and swirling, mimicking what I want to do to all parts of him.
His nostrils flare. A vein pops on his forehead as his gaze fixes on my mouth.
“The truth is,” his voice is gritty like sandpaper, “it wasn’t your fault. You were a kid. You didn’t know any better. It was a fuckingtragedy. But I wanted someone to hate—anyone. You. My parents, who were obviously involved in something they shouldn’t have been…but…”
Elias groans when I bite his thumb lightly. He presses closer, singeing me with the hot brand of his chest and the throbbing hard-on digging out of his pants.
“I could never hate you, my Lana Elise,” he murmurs against my lips before trailing kisses down my neck, leaving sparks in his wake. “I hated myself for not returning home sooner. For not being strong enough to stop them.”
“You were a kid too—”
