“I know, but it could’ve been so much worse.” His voice was strained and heavy with emotion. When he dropped his hands to look at me, I saw the tears in his eyes. All he had to do was blink once for them to be heavy enough to fall.
I climbed off the bed to bend down in front of him. I palmed his cheeks, forcing him to look at me. “Rhapsody needs help,” I mumbled.
He nodded, dropping his chin to his chest. “I know. I thought it would go away, but I see that it’s too serious to go untreated. Iylah can’t be with him right now.”
I smiled. “Well, good thing she has you.”
He took my hand in his and lifted it to his lips. He brought me closer and sat me on his lap. His arms went around my waist while his head lay on my chest. I cradled him in my bosom, offering him all the love and support he needed. I squealed when he lay back on the bed. He positioned us so that I was resting on his chest while he stared up at the ceiling.
I began drawing circles on his midsection, falling in love with his even breaths. I couldn’t help but smile when he began to sing softly. I got an immediate case of nostalgia, remembering the many times he’d done so when we were younger. When life was hectic with his mother, he would ask me to lay on his chest while he sang to me. That night, he was singing “The Closer I Get to You” by Luther Vandross.
I sank deeper into his body, falling in love with his melodic voice. Sym could sing birds into submission. I could never get tired of his voice. He hugged me tighter to his body, and I knew that, no matter what came next, I would have his back. He wouldn’t have to walk through this alone.
10
SYMPHONY
Iheard the jingle of keys, then glanced over my shoulder to find Leigh watching me. She leaned against the door frame, dressed simply in a pair of jeans, a Solaire sweatshirt, and Uggs. I liked it when she pulled her hair into a puff on top of her head. It allowed a clear view of her unflawed face. She looked younger when she wore her natural hair too.
“Are you ready?”
I nodded. “As ready as I’m going to be. We can head over there now.”
It was the day I would have to admit my brother into the psychiatric facility. He would have to go through an evaluation first, but I already knew it would end in them taking him in. He was likely schizophrenic, just like our mother. It broke my heart, knowing that, since being back, I didn’t get to spend any time with him as his healthiest self, but with time, maybe he would improve enough for us to get there.
On top of that, I would have to begin the process to legally gain guardianship of Iylah. Valleigh was helping me with the entire process. She even agreed to speak on my behalf about how I was already caring for my niece. It was crazy to me how you had to jump through hoops and prove to the government that youhad the best interest in mind when it came to your loved ones. Like, who were they to tell us who my niece could live with? But that was the wicked system we were a part of.
I saw a call from my mother coming in and ignored it. She would flip if she knew what I was up to. I could hear her now . . .“We can find a nice and established couple to take her in.”That wasn’t good enough for me, so like I’d been doing, I ignored her.
I pocketed my phone, then closed the distance between Leigh and me. She held her hand out for me. I accepted it then lifted it to my lips for a kiss. “I appreciate you. I know you could’ve been at work right now.”
She shook her head. “I’m wherever you need me to be when you need me to be there.”
I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. Leigh always knew exactly what to say. The only reason I was able to lift my head, square my shoulders, and puff my chest out was the strength that her presence offered me.
We headed out of her crib and made the short drive over to Rhap’s house. I’d talked to him about what was going to happen. He agreed with it, but I was preparing myself for him to change his mind. He was sitting on the porch when we arrived.
I climbed out and walked over to him. “Hey, you ready?” I asked cautiously.
He slowly looked up at me. “Yeah, let’s get it over with.”
I grabbed the duffel from beside him and shouldered it while he went to get in the car. I placed his bag in the trunk, then rejoined Leigh up front. The car ride was silent as I drove. I didn’t know what Leigh or Rhap were thinking about, but I couldn’t shake the thoughts of my mother from my mind.My real mother . . .The woman who’d given her body up for me to grow strong enough to be born into this twisted world. She was the last person I knew to be admitted to a place like this, and she’d never been released from it, and my brother was followingin her footsteps. I kept asking the question ringing loudest in my mind. . .Would he ever walk back out?Underneath all of that was a quiet whisper that was somehow the loudest of them all. I couldn’t help but wonder if I was going to be next.
Rhap was the same age as my mother when she reached the point of no return. In two short years, I would also reach that age. Was the same thing going to happen to me? Did I need to prepare myself to spend the rest of my life in a mental facility with my brother, like a family reunion or something?
Images of my mother flashed through my mind. She was so beautiful, and she loved to change her hairstyle. I hadn’t thought about her in so long that it was like once I opened the door to her memory, I couldn’t close it back. I started to remember everything— like the good times when she would sing to me while giving me a bath or cooking us dinner. She loved to read and would sit on our porch every morning as the sun rose, enjoying a cup of tea and her current read.
Then I started to think about the bad times, the times when she would disappear for days on end, leaving Rhap and me to fend for ourselves. We would hit the streets after school to search for her. A lot of the time, we came up empty, but some days, we would find her and bring her home. We would take care of her and feed her what little food we had before helping her into bed.
Even worse than those times were the times when she would be physically present, but she stared at the wall for hours. Sometimes, she would go days without speaking. The silence was terrifying because my mother’s voice was my comfort. I didn’t know what made her snap out of it, but I would always breathe easier when she was back to her lively self.
I was so buried in my thoughts that I didn’t realize we’d arrived at Purity Springs Care Facility. I released a harsh breath as I began to rub my hands up and down my thighs, creatingso much friction I could feel the heat building against my palm. I only stopped because Leigh placed her hand on top of mine. I never let anyone get this close to my personal life, but with Valleigh, there was no hesitation. I needed her there if I was going to survive it. Nothing about the situation was easy for me, and she knew it, no matter how confident I presented myself.
I slowly turned to look at her. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here every step of the way, babe.”
Even though it was scary for me, I knew it had to be done. I nodded and leaned toward her for a kiss. She never denied me, because she knew her kisses were always needed. I sighed into it, hoping it would release some of the tension in my shoulders. It helped, but only a little. The majority of the weight was still there, nearly crushing my windpipes.
I got out, then went around to open her door. Rhap waited patiently at the trunk for his bag. I ended up opening it, but I carried his bag for him while holding hands with Leigh. He was eerily quiet while we walked to the entrance.
