“Because you haven’t annoyedBecca until she tells you to fuckoff yet.” I sway on my feet a little, and he reaches out to steady me. “You’re so grumpy. Why are you so grumpy, Luca?” I lean against his chest. He’s so warm and smells so good.
He sighs again, then takes me by the elbow. “Come on, princess.”
I freeze and squeeze my eyes shut as my heart starts to race. “Don’t call me that,” I whisper. “Please, Luca. Not that.” There’s no stopping the tears that run down my cheeks, the memories that push down on me, the voice in my head.
‘You think you’re better than us now, Princess?’
“Okay, Ari. I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”
I shake my head. I want to tell him it’s fine because how would he know not to call me that? It’s not his fault. I literally just told him he could call me anything a few minutes ago.
But I was wrong. I wasn’t thinking.
I can hear or read the word and be fine. In sophomore year, some douche at school called me princess, and I beat the shit out of him, but it didn’t send me into a panic attack.
But now? I panic.
My legs give out. My throat closes. I can’t breathe. Can’t think.
Luca’s holding my face in his hands and almost screaming myname. He’s probably yelled it a bunch of times. I feel like I’m going to pass out. I crack my eyes open and look into his.
There’s fear in those deep blue pools. So much fear. They’re glossy with unshed tears, and wet streaks cover his cheeks. “Breathe, baby. Fuck. Come on, breathe. Please, Ariana,” he begs. And somehow, I’m finally able to gasp air in. I take a few shallow breaths. Then, a few more.
“That’s it. That’s my girl,” he rasps. He pulls me onto his lap and holds me against his chest, whispering praise and rubbing a hand up and down my back as I keep dragging air into my lungs. It feels like forever before I get my breathing mostly under control. But by then, my head is spinning, and I vomit on his shirt.
“I’m sorry, Luca,” I whimper.
“Shhhh. It’s okay, baby.”
He stands and carries me to the bathroom, then holds my hair while I proceed to empty my stomach into the toilet. When I think I’m done, Luca dabs my face and neck with a wet hand towel. Then he kisses my forehead. He tosses his shirt into the garbage, and I rinse my mouth out with water. “You okay to go upstairs?” he asks quietly.
I can’t look him in the eye. “Yeah.” I threw up a lot, but I’m still too shaky to walk like a normal human being. Before I say anything, though, he hooks an arm under my knees and wraps the other around my back, pulling me close to him. I loop my arms around his neck and put my head on his shoulder. “You smelled really good before I threw up on you,” I tell him as he carries me out of the basement.
He chuckles. Actually chuckles. “You smelled like vodka before you threw up on me.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me.”
Once we’re upstairs, he tucks me into bed, making sure my shoulders are covered like I need them to be again. He kneels nextto me and brushes my hair out of my eyes. “I see you, Ariana.” His voice is low. Gravely. Honest.
“I see you, too, Luca.” His hand gently takes hold of mine under the blanket as I drift off to sleep.
Chapter 24
Scared shitless
Luca
Isit next to Ariana, holding her hand, watching her fall asleep.
I was about two seconds away from calling 911 in the basement before she finally took that breath. Her eyes were wild, her lips were turning blue, and her skin was paler than I’d ever seen it. It was the single most frightening moment of my life.
I walked away after our kiss because I was afraid I’d hurt her. But in doing so, I hurt her more. And after seeing what I just saw, I’m making it my mission to never hurt her again. My girl has enough demons. She needs more warriors.
Ariana means everything to me, and I’m not worthy of her. I want her to be proud of me. Proud to call me hers and proud to be mine.
It takes hours to convince myself she’s okay. I listen to her breathing the whole time, simply thankful for it.
I wake up sitting there on the floor, her hand still in mine, my head on the mattress next to hers as she sleeps. The sun is just beginning to rise.
