“I know you want that to be the case to ease your guilty conscience of fucking and leaving me for my best friend. But let me tell you something, motherfucka. Had I been fucking that man before you left, Ipromise, you would have been the one sliding down the wall with your heart bleeding on the floor.
“I was everything I could be to the wrong nigga, and I hate myself for that. I wish I was throwing this ass on that nigga while I was with you. Maybe then it wouldn’t have hurt so much when your weak-ass broke up with me through a fucking text and fucked my best friend.” I cringed inwardly, just thinking about how stupid I was.
I looked back at the man I would have laid down my life for and scoffed. “Instead of you coming to me as a man, you chose to run. Run away from your responsibilities because you felt overwhelmed, and as you put it, it was too chaotic for you. My children don’t know you, Leo. Your own son doesn’t even want to go with you because he doesn’t feel a connection with you. None of them do.
“We lived in the same damn house, and they don’t even want to fuck with you. Do us all a favor and just disappear. Please. Save us the heartache and fake caring. Go be with your new bitch and y’all’s baby, and I pray you don’t abandon it like you did the kids who only wanted their father to love them.”
We both stared at each other for a long time. I could see the emotion pooling behind his eyes and felt slightly triumphantthat he finally showed me an emotion I had never seen before. I guess that was all the validation I needed to finally move the fuck on from him. I needed to know that he at least gave an ounce of a fuck about us.
He blinked first and looked away from me, then down at the floor.
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Ali. It’s why I never said anything each time you got pregnant. I just wanted you. I know that shit sounds selfish, but I always envisioned a life with just us in it. When you had Carsyn, I was fine with that. I honestly thought you were on birth control because I saw some pills after you had Chloe.
“Then you always made me feel inferior because you made more money than me. Like I wasn’t busting my ass to pay all the bills so you wouldn’t have to. I just didn’t feel like a father or a husband anymore, and I’m sorry I never told you. I want to be there for my kids, Alicia, but if they don’t want to be with me, I won’t make them. I’ll continue to support them, though, and maybe down the line, when they’re older, they can decide if they want a relationship with me.”
I nodded. “I think that’s best.”
“Weak ass,” I heard my mom and Rae say in unison. As much as I wanted to laugh, I couldn’t find the humor right now.
Leo shook his head and looked at me. “Take care, Alicia. I really am sorry.”
“That, you are. Good night,” I said, opening the door for him. He walked out, and I shut the door, putting my back against it, willing my tears to stay in their place. My mom and Rae finally came from around the corner where they were eavesdropping.
“I’m proud of you, baby. I’d like to retract my statement from earlier. You do have a little of me and your daddy in you.”
I smiled until a full-blown grin spread across my face. “I love you, Mommy.”
“Oh, baby. I love you most.” She walked over to me, and I met her halfway, falling into her arms.
“Do we still have to go?” Carsyn asked, peeking down the stairs.
“No, baby. Y’all don’t ever have to go with him unless you guys want to,” I told him.
“Yes!” He and Chloe both cheered.
“Y’all coming to Grandma house for the weekend. Your uncle Amir has some new games for you to play, and I have some new baking stuff so we can bake some cookies for the church.”
“You don’t have to take them, Mom. I?—”
“Alicia, you just made me proud. Please don’t make me mad. Take your ass in that kitchen and pour us some wine so we can talk about what you gon’ to wear over Basil’s house while I settle the kids. With your ignorant ass.” She walked away from me as Rae and I laughed.
I swear, this woman is nuts.
After my mom got the kids settled in the family room, we sat in the kitchen at the table while I told them what was happening between Basil and me.
“I don’t even know what to say to him. He’s mad at me. I can tell,” I voiced, sipping on my fourth glass of merlot. I was tipsy as hell and in my feelings.
“Well, you had to say something that made him mad. He doesn’t strike me as the type to get angry for no reason,” Mom said.
“Yeah, me either,” Raeley agreed.
“It was because I called him Mr. Cassidy in front of Leo. That has to be it. I saw his eyes flicker into shock, then anger, before he blurted out our business.”
Mom slapped her hand on her thigh. “That’s it. Ya ass been calling him Basil all day, then turn around calling him by his lastname like you trying to cover shit up in front of that bum. You stupid, girl.”
“Wait. What business?” Rae asked.
Shit.
