“Hey, Carsyn!” A little girl approached him with whom I assumed was her pops. “Is this your dad?”
Carsyn looked up at me, and I shrugged my brows, giving him the floor to answer her however he saw fit.
He looked back to her and gave her a light smile. “No . . . He’s my best friend.”
“Oh,” she said, then smiled at him. I saw the little confused look on her face, but she didn’t say anything further.
“You have anicebest friend, Carsyn,” the flirting mom said, still looking at me with that look in her eyes.
The little girl’s pops chuckled and shook his head. “Women,” he said under his breath. I laughed because even he peeped her thirstiness.
I could see the other moms and even the teacher staring at me before his teacher snapped out of whatever thought she was having of me, then approached the crowd.
“Okay, parents. Here are the vouchers for the snack bar and movie theater. Once the movie is over, we’ll meet back here and count heads to make sure everyone is here and on time to load the bus. If you all don’t have any questions, then we can proceedinside. Let’s have some fun and enjoy the movie!” she exclaimed as the kids cheered.
Three whole damn hours later, the movie finally ended.
I couldn’t lie though. It was kind of lit.
On the way home from the school, I could feel Carsyn staring at me. He looked like he wanted to say something, so I urged him to do so.
“What’s up, lil homie?” I asked, looking over at him.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“Nah, we not doing that. Use your words, baby boy. Speak whatever is in your heart. Don’t ever be afraid to say what’s on your mind, unless you know it’d be rude to say it.”
“I didn’t want to say you were my best friend.”
“Oh yeah? Why not? I’m not best friend material?” I chuckled.
He smiled. “You are. I wanted to lie and tell her youweremy dad.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I know you aren’t my dad, but you make me feel like you are. We go with my real dad today, and I don’t know if I want to. I want to stay home with you and my mom.”
I looked out of the window and pulled at the hairs on my chin. I honestly didn’t know what to say to him without crossing over the boundary Alicia put in front of us.
I wanted to tell him that his daddy was a fuck nigga, and he had a right to want to stay with his moms, but I couldn’t do that, would never do that, even if I did feel that way about him.
Carsyn was about to be seven next month. He was smarter than any average six-year-old that I knew, aside from Siori, so he knew a lot more than his moms gave him credit for.
He felt the shift, he felt the foundation splitting, he saw the break in the glass house, and he watched the differences between me and his pops. For him to want to tell someone thatI was his dad made me feel both honored and guilty—guilty because I was doing what the fuck his daddy should have been doing.
Even I knew a child this smart still needed to be guided and have a male figure to lead him into his growing years. It made me sick to my stomach how men could get these women pregnant, then abandon the child they helped create.
So, with a heavy heart, I had to encourage him to have an open mind about his fuck-ass daddy.
“Give your pops a chance, lil G. Sometimes, parents separate, and don’t ever think it’s your fault. You had nothing to do with their decision not to live in the same home anymore. You love your pops, don’t you?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but I don’t know if he loves me.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because he’s never taken us anywhere. He didn’t help me learn how to tie my shoes, play the game with me, or tell me bedtime stories. He would wrestle with me sometimes and teach me about fire, but . . . I don’t know. I just don’t want to go with him, and my grandma’s breath stinks, and she always kisses me.”
I tucked my lips to hold in my laugh. It took a minute before I could speak without laughing. Kids were a motherfucka.
