The yearly appeals were the hardest. Donny’s mum would face the camera, voice shaking, as she begged for information about her missing son. As the years went by, her voice became steadier, her eyes more direct and focused. Like she was resigned to the truth that he would never come home. Then she simply started asking for closure. “I cannot fully grieve until I know what happened to Donny. Give me that, at least.”
Dad saw the appeal, once. I was sitting in the lounge room while he sharpened his knife behind my shoulder. He sat still, eyes fixed on the screen, face unreadable, blank like a mask. I know he saw Donny’s face, but it washed over him without leaving a ripple.
The moment I sink the shovel deep into the ground, a voice taunts,You can’t do this. Your dad will be so angry. How do you even know he’s truly gone? What if he’s not? There’ll be hell to pay for this. He’ll be so angry, so angry…
My head spins. Chris calls out something I can’t hear.
You can’t do this…
To be honest, I thought this would be easier. But the longer I remain, the more I feel like I’m retraumatizing myself.
I cannot fully grieve until I know what happened to Donny.Give me that, at least.
I lift my head.
Yes, I can.
Because I must.
And if I do it vomiting, I do it vomiting.
“Here,” Chris says, reaching for the handle. “I’ll do it.”
“No.” I angle it away from him. “I have to do this myself.”
I grip the shovel and start digging.
Chapter 10
I’ve been digging for hours now and found nothing. Chris hovers beside me, passing me a water bottle like I’m a long-distance runner. My body burns, my hands sting. Finally, it’s Chris’s turn. He starts a new hole ten feet from mine. I brush the sweat from my forehead, leaving a streak of dirt on my face. I lower myself to the ground, watching him silently.
“Good day for it.”
He scoops the soil up, pauses. “Huh?”
“Grave digging.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” he says, throwing the dirt to the side. He straightens up, stretches his back. “This whole thing…” He doesn’t finish the thought. But I know. This whole thing is nuts. All of it.
“Yeah,” I say, “I know.”
But maybe…maybe if I find Donny and give his family closure, maybe it’ll heal me. Maybe that ghost world of mine will finally stop following me.Coward.
He drops the shovel, cracks his neck, pausing. “I’ve been wanting to say something all morning…”
He pulls his phone from his pocket and stares down at it, frowning. This can’t be good. I get to my feet and reach for the shovel.
“You see theMilltoday?”
I raise an eyebrow. “Can’t say I read that shit anymore.” I throw the dirt to the side. “Not since I left. Surprisedyoudo, to be honest.” I look up. “Why?”
He hesitates, and my heart drops. Oh shit. Of course. If there’s one thing theMillloves more than pert stomachs or botched cosmetic surgeries, it’s D-list breakups.
Like mine.
“Let me guess…” I say wearily. “My fiancé announced the tragic end of our relationship today?”
He nods, embarrassed. “Sorry,” he says automatically. “I didn’t realize…”
