Fuck this.
“Please leave a message, and I’ll get back to you!” His voice drips with politeness. Like he justcan’t waitto return your phone call and he feelsso badthat he wasn’t there to take it. Dickhead.
Beep.
A rumble of thunder rolls by, and I feel it deep in my bones. The phone is silent, waiting. What to say? What to say? Five years together, three of them as man and wife. This is how it ends.
“I know you’re having an affair, you dickhead.”
For a long time, I’m silent. Tired. Done.
“She would’ve dumped you, eventually,” I tell him, surprising even myself. “My sister, I mean. You would never have been enough for her.”
Out the window, a flash of lightning illuminates the blackwood tree. “You know what the problem is with you, Joe?” I get to my feet and start pacing. “You never wanted to go forward, only backward.” The floorboards whine, and the sound merges with the thunder until it feels like the storm is inside the house, not out.
“I tried to save us,” I say flatly, and the rain pours down like it will never end. “I was sorry, Joe. Sorry for what happened. All I wanted to do was build a life for us to make up for the one we lost.” I swipe angrily at the tears streaming down my stupid face. “I told myself that I didn’t care if you worked or not. That it didn’t matter that every time I reached for you, you flinched. But it did.It really fucking did.”
Back and forth, I pace. Back and forth. The floorboards are shriekingnow, and they don’t seem angry. It’s like they’re joining in the fight and they’re on my side.
“All my life I felt like an exile,” I tell him. “Except for when I met you. You were like me. We could’ve been exiles together, Joe. I could’ve loved you deeply if you’donly let me.”
I stare out the window crying and not quite ready to end the call. If I could say one last thing to my husband, what would it be?
I open my mouth and tears drip onto my tongue. They taste like failure.
“I loved you. You broke me.”
I end the call. I say one final thing, and I’m glad he can’t hear it.
“Now you’ve gone and fucked it all, Joe. And I can’t let you get away with that.”
Chapter 28
June 12
Hi!! It’s me again! Lizzy. Sarah. Katy. Sabrina. Gina. Mrs. Short, your friendly, nosy neighbor. Take your bloody pick!
Want to fix your shit life? I can help!
Want a healthy body? Try my weight-loss gummies! Hopefully they won’t give you diarrhea like they did me!
Care for a scone, deary?
Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
For reals.
I stare out my bedroom window, breath caught in my throat. The sky is heavy with rain, and the wind shrieks against the glass. But there’s something else out there. I can feel it.
I drop the pen and shut my notebook with a snap. Slowly, I crouch and crawl across the floorboards. I hover below the window, holding my breath. I wait and listen.
I count to ten before easing myself up and peering through the grimy glass. At first, I don’t see it. But then a flicker of movement behind the graveyard. It’s large and crouched low to the ground. An animal, I think. But then it stands up, and my heart squeezes.
Because it’s not an animal at all.
It’s a man.
It happens quickly. The man sprints past the graves and disappears around the side of the house. It could be anyone. But I know it’s not. It’s Jeff Johnson.
