There are a couple of murmurs of agreement, which make him grumble.
“Listening to you talk reminded me that at the end of last season, I promised to be better, and sometimes I am, but other times, I’m a bit of a shit. I’ve acted like this partly because I knew this was my fault.”
I raise my brows as I wait for a punchline. I’ve rarely seenthis side of my dad, but I’ve not been this vulnerable with him before.
His shoulders hunch. “I pushed you to race and take over the team last year. You struggled, but I thought if you kept going, you’d be okay. That’s what I’d always done, what most team bosses in F1 have always done and pushed their drivers to do.”
He glances at Senna, who smiles. “Not my girl, though. She cares about her drivers.”
Connor lifts her hand to his lips and brushes them against her knuckles. I’m still ridiculously jealous of those soppy bastards.
“I’m sorry for everything I did to make life worse for you. I should have been someone you came to, not someone you had to run away from,” he continues, and I swallow the lump in my throat. The revelation that I was so bad that even Dad noticed has me fiddling with the beaded bracelet in my pocket. “And although it’s no excuse, I’ve struggled since giving up the team. I felt like I’d lost my value and wasn’t the man I used to be. I took my insecurities, my shit, out on you and your sister.”
“But we’re working on it, aren’t we, Jim?” Mum says.
His face softens as he turns to her and kisses her forehead. “Yes, we are, sweetheart. Therapy’s helping.”
Senna gasps. “You’re in therapy?”
“Yes. It worked for you and Connor.” He brushes over the therapy part.
Therapy is rarely discussed in Formula One. You watch people nearly lose their lives, and then you dust yourself off and continue the business as if nothing happened. Maybe my dad needed to leave F1 to realise that he’d nearly broken his children with his obsession with the racing business.
With a tentative smile, he adds, “And I’m learning to fly a plane, which helps my adrenaline junky needs.” I nearly chokeon my wine. He turns to Rosie. “Thank you for being there for him when I wasn’t. You must be okay.”
“She’s an angel,” I say, and Rosie’s eyes sparkle as she gazes at me. That look floors me.
“And make sure you go to HR if you’re…you know,” he mutters.
“Someone get food in my belly,” Connor announces.
Dad side-eyes Connor, who winks at me from behind his hand when Dad adds, “Let’s finish dinner. Some of you have a race tomorrow, and my wife wants to hear all about Rosie’s daughter. We’d better swap seats.”
“I’d like to meet her one day as well,” Mum says when Dad stands.
I can’t believe I finally shared my secret shame. My revelation has brought us together because of Rosie, who rushes to Mum’s side and flicks through her phone. They giggle over photos.
She looks up at me and beams.
And there goes my heart again.
CHAPTER 49
Niki
Ioffer my parents my hand before they head to their room. “I’ll use sanitiser after. Sorry,” I say.
“Don’t apologise, ever,” Dad says, although it loses a little sweetness due to his gruffness.
“Would it be helpful if we used the sanitiser first?” Mum offers.
Rosie pulls the sanitiser from her bag, passes it to my dad, who applies it, and gives it to Mum.
I hold my mum’s hand for the first time since my accident. I’m not shaking or scared, but my nose itches with tears.
“Your girlfriend is lovely, although a little young for you,” Dad whispers as he takes my hand.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” But I wish she were.
