I tense. I want him to feel better, even though it means losing him. My gut is like a wrung out washcloth. Each time something good happens, it’s wrung tighter until my stomach is just knots. “How are you feeling about dinner tonight?”
His hand against me tightens. “Anxious. The restaurant is attached to the hotel, so I’ve been there before, but I’ll be on edge because I can’t control the situation like I need to. Thank you for calling ahead and sorting out my needs. I’d be more anxious if not for that.” He rewinds a few seconds as a Coulter car retakes a corner. “I hate that my parents will pick up on my anxiety.”
“They still don’t know?”
His words rumble against my body. “No. I need to tell them, but my dad doesn’t understand mental health issues, and it was his heart attack that added to the panic. I don’t get to own his experience.”
“But you get to be affected by it.”
He twirls tendrils of my ponytail around his fingers. “I guess. Tonight, you can have room service, or I can arrange for a tour guide to accompany you around the city.”
I lean back to look at him, brushing his chest. His muscles ripple beneath my fingers. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted me at dinner. But I’d understand if you’d rather I didn’t spend time with your family.”
I refuse to break eye contact as he gazes at me. His lips are inches from mine.
“It’s not fair for you to be around my dad, especially with how he can be, but if you want to, I’d love to have you there.”
I stare at his flushed cheeks and earnest eyes. He’s so damn beautiful.
“I’d love to be there. I’ll help you with your anxiety, too.”
He tucks my hair behind my ear. “You’re like my safety blanket. I don’t deserve you.”
I settle against his chest. “No, you don’t, but you can keep me for a little longer.”
As Niki returns to watch qualifying, I contemplate how much longer I can stop myself from falling harder.
CHAPTER 47
Niki
Rosie stands beside me as we travel down to the hotel restaurant. Occasionally her fingers brush mine. I want to be tactile with her, hold her, hug her.
I glance at her. Her lips are flush with pink lipstick, and her eyes capture me within their depths.
She bites the pad of her thumb, and the string that’s stopping me from pushing her against the lift frays. Her orchid and spice scent radiates around us.
Conflict rages inside my heart. One second I want to comfort her; the next I want to her to ride my mouth until she screams my name for everyone to hear.
The touches on the plane fulfilled my dreams. She cares about me and will do anything to ensure I’m okay. But I might never be okay. My health anxiety is improving, but what if it doesn’t go away? She won’t want a boyfriend who can’t even eat somewhere new without panicking.
“Are you okay?” she whispers. She cups my cheek, and I lean into her softness. “Worried about dinner?”
“Yeah,” I stutter. In her black chiffon skater dress, her curves make mymouth water.
“I’m with you every step. It will be okay.”
My chain around her neck makes her feel like she’s mine. I’m on the cusp of asking if she’ll be mine when the lift doors open to Senna and Connor.
Rosie jumps away from me.
“You’re not wearing your cap,” Senna says.
“Hey, sis. Hey, Con,” I say, voice strangled, ignoring Senna’s comment as the lift closes on the four of us. How many germs can survive in this metal box? I pull my shirt collar from my neck as heat climbs.
I croak. “Rosie’s joining us. She’s not been to a grand prix before, and Tabi, her daughter, is with her parents. She considered enjoying the city tonight, but decided to eat with us and?—”
Rosie touches my arm and smiles. I take a deep breath. I’m babbling like a man caught in bed with his colleague’s wife.
