“I wanted it,” I say.
“But we can’t. I’m your boss. I’m an older guy. You’re a mum,” he mumbles, and that’s like a slap in my face. I drop his hand. He doesn’t want to be with a mum. That’s what I am, and nothing will change that. “No, not like that. I’m not enough for you. I felt like the old me, but I’m not him. I’m…I’m not right for you.”
Before I can reason with him, he drives the car slowly back to the others and climbs out to their applause.
He kissed me because he felt like the old him. The Niki I want is the one bowing as his friends cheer, not the playboywho dated models and had moments of acting like a selfish idiot.
At least he’s going to Miami, and I don’t have to see him again until next week. I’ll get over this.
I need my job, and I need to be more than Niki’s mistake.
CHAPTER 34
Niki
Cars speed like it’s life or death during the qualifying session.
My pulse rises as I recall drivers I nearly took out on this track the last time I raced here. The power and control in those moments were like fire fuelling my soul.
There are many places to overtake on the Miami track, which means a grand prix can flip from joy to pain in a second. That feeds the adrenaline of every racing driver. It’s a constant battle with more thrills than corners. One decision could end you, but it could also mean people scream your praises as your country’s flag is raised and you sing from the podium.
I nod as Tawny eases into her last circuit to ensure she starts the grand prix race high up. She’s making constant progress.
She crosses the line with a time that puts her third on the grid tomorrow. I’m proud of her and that I helped her. Since the aerodrome, she’s had a swing in her step. We should have suggested racing sooner.
The aerodrome.
I’ve thrown myself into getting through the Miami trip,supporting the team, and imagining the progress I need to race professionally again, but the taste of Rosie and her moans when we kissed tease me.
The kiss was better than the one in Greece because I know her now, and I want her with a passion that ignites quicker than fire on fuel.
I have fantasies where I bring some of the power play I enjoyed into sex with her. I want her on her knees.
But that’s impossible. I’m her older boss. I have more issues than successes. I have no business kissing a woman who needs a solid, confident, capable man. I could’ve fucked up her future.
Since then, our messages are professional, but I can’t ignore what I’ve done. After days of deliberating, I tap out a quick text to her as Tawny and Connor return to the garage.
Niki: I’m sorry about kissing you this week. You deserve the utmost respect, and I pushed your kindness too far. I’ll understand if you want to change departments, but if you prefer to stay with me, I promise I won’t do anything like that again. We’ll discuss it face-to-face when we’re both in the office.
Three dots appear, then disappear.
Scott, Billy’s step brother who I last saw at the race in Australia when he tried it on with my ex, clears his throat, dragging my attention.
“Have you got a minute?”
I nod and stow my phone in my pocket, trying to quell the panic that I’m about to lose Rosie.
“I’m sorry for acting like a dick in Australia,” he says. I shrug, but his black curls move as he shakes his head. “I’m not used to women dismissing me as readily as Clara did.”
“We all do stupid things for women. I’d have been thesame,” I reply with a smile. “Before my accident, well, before Clara, I showboated if I didn’t get enough attention from women. Sometimes Connor and I would push each other to do increasingly stupid things if we liked the same woman.”
“What was the worst thing you did?”
I smirk. “I can’t remember because I was wasted half the time, but I have flashbacks to naked karaoke, jumping off a bridge while dressed as Jackie Stewart but with a Valtteri Bottas style mullet, and one time I was on a bike, jousting. I think I was naked then as well. It’s a blur, and the sad thing is I don’t recall most of those women either. It was one night only. I was always clear about that. I lived the life of a racing driver with no shits to give.”
Scott laughs. “The life of a rugby player with no shits to give wasn’t as impressive, but I had a lot of fun, too. I still do now that I’m an agent. The women!”
For the first time, I question which parts of my old life I want to return to. I want to drive again, but what about everything else? I don’t want to be sleeping with different women every night or partying like it’s the end of the world.
