My phone buzzes with an incoming call, and I put it on speaker as I press my neck again.
“Niki, how are you? Did you measure your temperature?” Rosie asks. It’s Wednesday afternoon, and I haven’t entered the office since I returned.
“It was about ninety-eight. Technically, I’m fine.” There’s no swelling in my neck glands. “But what if I’m not?”
There’s no frustrated sigh or grumbles from Rosie. “We can trust the signs that nothing’s wrong, but keep monitoring yourself. If you need me to do anything, tell me. No one from the weekend has come down with anything, and Senna said?—”
“Is she asking where I am?” I grip my duvet tighter.
“She was searching for you, but I told her you were reviewing races, so it was best not to disturb you.”
I let out the breath I was holding. “Thank you. I’m trying to be the old me, but after so many people and back-to-back races, I couldn’t have come in yesterday. I’m exhausted.”
“It’s what I’m here for.” The tightness in my chest eases. It’s been less than two months, but I don’t know what I’d do without her. “You spoke to your counsellor yesterday?”
“Yep.”
“Did he speak to you about how the culmination of everything, especially as you’re seeing your trainer and nutritionist now, could’ve caused anxiety?” She speaks normally, not like she’s forcing her point, but not mollycoddling me either.
I see her as the most amazing woman. If she’d met me a couple of years ago, she’d see me as something and not as this failure.
“He did. And he said that the impact of everything is why I’ve needed to sleep so much recently.”
“I agree. You’re not showing any symptoms of illness other than your tiredness.”
“No,” I huff because, although she’s matter-of-fact, I’m still a burden.
“Then I want to propose something. I told Tabi you’d like her to meet Graham one day. She talks about doggos all the time, including in her sleep. I called the shelter, and they said we could go after I pick her up from preschool.”
For the first time since Monday, I don’t want to tap my fingers, wring my hands, or bite the inside of my mouth. Instead, I want to crawl out of bed and get dressed, but?—
“Niki, are you still there?”
“Yeah. Would you like company when you visit Graham?”
“Definitely. I’m not doing it to manipulate you into coming. She’s had a tricky time with some of the children at preschool. This is a treat for her.”
“It would be nice to see Graham again.” I don’t feel manipulated. I want to find out which child is givingTabi a hard time and speak to their parents, even though that’s not my place. I want to listen to Tabi talking about doggos and spend time with Rosie outside of work. “It would be nice to meet Tabi, too.”
“If you’re sure.” I hear the smile behind her words. I briefly consider asking her for a video call. It’s been a week since I’ve seen her smile. “Use the grounding techniques your counsellor gave you, and if you change your mind, that’s okay. If you find once you’re moving around, you’re still too exhausted, we can rearrange, or Tabi and I can go alone. There’s no pressure.”
My whole body relaxes as tension ebbs. “Thank you. Shall I pick you up? Driving relaxes me and will make it harder to overthink. While I was in Saudi, I couldn’t drive when I needed to calm down, and when I got back, I was too exhausted.”
“I’d love that. I’ll make sure I have Tabi’s car seat.”
“No, that’s okay. I got one delivered to mine yesterday.”
“You did?” Rosie stutters. “Why?”
“I thought it would be helpful to have two in case something happened to your car and I needed to lend you one. It made sense in my slightly sleepy state because you’re in my life.” I play with the Belle bracelet that’s on my nightstand. “I made it weird, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but also it’s really sweet. Thank you, Niki.”
I fight my smile. “It’s okay. It’s what a good boss is here for.” But it’s not boss behaviour. Since we can’t be together, maybe we can be friends.
She’s got a lot on her plate, and as she told me, she’s exhausted. If driving her and Tabi eases a little of her stress and mine, I’ll do it.
“See you in a couple of hours.”
