“Good. I was concerned you’d regret saying yes since youagreed because of Billy’s brother. You always used to think first and act later.”
I laugh awkwardly. “Like when Connor dared me to get a tattoo after the Mexican Grand Prix when we were shit-faced.”
She rolls her eyes. “Exactly. I’m so proud that you want to drive during practice. It shows you’re getting back to who you were.”
Her mouth creases in a hopeful smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. I can’t break her heart again. That’s all I’ve done since I returned. “About that.”
“Yeah?” She sucks her lips into her mouth.
“Can I do it at the Japanese Grand Prix rather than in ten days in China?”
“Oh?”
“It gives Tawny and Connor more time in the car. They’ve barely driven it.”
“Good point. That’s why you’re my advisor. You’re the best.”
No, I’m not. I’m messed up. But with the Japanese Grand Prix the week after China, I should have more time to chat with my counsellor and prepare mentally.
“I’ll leave you to get ready for the board.”
“Thanks. And Niki.”
I turn back.
“It’s nice to see you making these decisions. Thank you for being by my side.”
“Sure. Always.”
I rush to my office to hide.
Two days until I leave for China, and Japan is the weekend after. This kind of racing schedule used to feed my adrenalineneeds, but I’m still exhausted after Australia, which was a week ago. I down another cup of coffee.
Rosie giggles as she returns to her desk after her lunch with Jimmy. That sound gives me the weirdest belly feeling. I nearly asked her to look it up last week to check I wasn’t getting ill from a stomach problem, but it’s not a medical issue.
It’s her.
The only relief from worrying about racing is Rosie’s starring role in my dreams. The dream always starts sweet, with both of us on my sofa watching television, but turns into her on my lap, and we revisit our kiss from when we met. Neither of us has referred to that night again, apart from my slip when I called her Bella. I must see them as two separate people: the Bella I kissed and Rosie, my assistant. I need her, and she’s incredible at her job.
This is day eleven of her as my assistant, and I’m not sure I’d be in today if not for the chance to be around her. To her, I’m a grumpy older guy who can’t let people close, and she’s a single mum and my employee. I’ve nothing to offer her. I can’t care for myself, let alone Rosie and a child. My run-in with Clara and Billy’s brother is a stark reminder I’m a shadow of my former self.
She knocks at my open doorway. She’s wearing a pair of plain trousers and a blouse. I recognise it because she played with the frayed edge of the blouse’s cuff while on a video call with me after I landed last week. She wore it twice recently, too. As she stands at my door, she scratches at the trousers.
“I’ve got an update about your staff.”
“Come in.”
She sits in front of me, her eyes dark with tiredness. “I’ve booked your nutritionist and trainer for tomorrow and your dog walker for Wednesday morning. I postponed them from last week as you were a little anxious after Australia.”
I smile. “Thank you.”
“I’ve also booked for you to meet with the social media team so they can properly announce you as the reserve driver and advisor.”
“They could mention I’m driving in one of the practice sessions, too.”
She tilts her head.
“As a reserve driver, I can drive in one practice session, but I won’t drive in qualifying or the race. It’s a chance to be back in the car.” I make fists under the desk.
