I’m so fucked up.
As she tucks a wave of hair behind her ear, I remember sitting on the beach, laughing and talking with her. She’s the only person who knows about my health anxiety, apart from my counsellor, whom I’m struggling to bond with.
Emotions and indecision ping-pong around me. I need her, and yet I can’t trust her. But I lied that night as well.
“It’s fine. I won’t honour the contract,” she murmurs, ripping it.
At the sound, I remember every interview I’ve done so far. I couldn’t share my anxieties with any of those people.
I hold up my hands. “Wait. I read your CV. With your background?—”
And that’s the moment Connor swaggers in, all backwards cap and no fucks to give. “What’s going on? Why does it look like Niki shat himself and we’re all here to clean it up? Come on, dude, you’ve got to stop doing that.”
I palm my face as Senna’s head drops back and Jimmy chuckles behind his iPad.
“This isn’t a good time, Connor,” Senna replies as he kisses her forehead.
“Baby, it’s always a good time. Look what was delivered to me.” He rips open the box. “It’s a miniature of that Lambo you drove and then we?—”
“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it,” I beg.
Connor grins at me. “I was going to say the Lambo that Senna and I spent a lovely time on.” He holds the car aloft. “Do you remember that bonnet?”
Senna takes the car and returns it to the box. “It’s gorgeous, Con, but we have a pressing issue.”
“Me too.” He winks.
A strangled sound escapes my mouth. “I still can’t decideif you’re affectionate with her in front of me as punishment for how I acted when you first got together or because you adore her so much.”
“It’s the latter, although any day I torture you is a good day,” Connor replies with a shit-eating grin.
“Sit down,” my sister demands, and Connor sits immediately.
“You’re the only person who can make him behave,” I grumble.
“I’m well aware.” She huffs. “Rosie, sorry about that?—”
We all glance to where Rosie sat before Connor came in, but she’s gone, having escaped while we were distracted by Connor’s antics. The contract is in two pieces on her seat.
“She’d be an asset to this organisation. She wants to do a master’s in sports psychology. We could give her time to do it once she’s passed probation. I’m calling her.” Senna grabs her phone and types in a number while staring at her computer screen.
She’s a massive supporter of women in this industry and understands people better than I ever could, which makes her an amazing team boss. If only she understood me. Not that she hasn’t tried. I can’t let her in. I can’t let anyone in.
“Voicemail,” she murmurs. As the message plays, Senna whispers, “If you don’t want her, Niki, I’ll find another role for her on the team.”
I play with the beads in my pocket as my forehead tightens. I can let someone in, specifically Rosie, because I let her in before. She already knows the secrets I was anxious to tell my new assistant. I need someone like Bella. I shake my head. Someone like Rosie.
“Hi, this is a message for Rosabella Denham.”
I swallow loudly. Rosie didn’t lie to me about her name, not really. Her bracelet says Belle, albeit faintly, because I’verubbed the letters so much. She called herself Bella. She said she was a rugby coach when actually she used to play rugby.
Connor stares at Senna with a beaming smile. I need to trust someone so I can be me again. I don’t have any other options if I’m going to be a reserve driver and work for Coulter’s.
I sigh as I rub the bracelet.
Without Bella, I wouldn’t have returned home. Maybe Rosie can help me with this.
“I’ll find her. She can’t have gotten far,” I say, striding to the door. “Jimmy, print me a new contract and double the salary Senna offered. Include something about studying after her probation period, too.”
