Tabi weeps and is sick against Rosie’s top. Scott strips his shirt off and gives it to Rosie to wrap Tabi, who grips his fingers like a little girl desperate for comfort.
As she shakes, he says, “It’s okay. Mummy’s got you.”
I follow far enough behind that I’m not at risk from the germs. I want to be there for them. The smell of sickness reaches me, and I wretch.
“I’ll message you,” Rosie says, not looking at me as she cradles Tabi into Scott’s car.
I can’t see them when the door closes because thewindows are blacked out, but I still wave as Graham stands by my side.
She’s not yours anymore. She has Scott.
I grab my phone and scroll through contacts. My finger hovers over Filip’s name. Maybe it’s time to grab the only future left for me.
CHAPTER 72
Niki
Senna strides into my office early Tuesday morning.
I run a hand down my face and struggle to look at her hunched shoulders. My eyes are painfully sore from lack of sleep. I squint at my phone. I’ve messaged Rosie several times over the last day and a half, asking how Tabi is and if she needed anything, but there’s still no answer, not even a middle finger emoji.
We’re over, and it’s my fault.
My heart speeds as I check my watch. She should be at her desk soon.
“Morning,” Senna says, pursing her lips. “Are you ready for Hungary? Last race of this half of the season. You’re flying tomorrow, so you’re at practice in good time, right?”
“Yep.” I cock my eyebrow. “Are your shoulders okay? You’re standing like a robot.”
“I’m fine.” She grits her teeth. “Connor should be fully healed in the next couple of weeks, so we’ll be busy during summer break.”
“Good.” A sour taste clings to my throat.
I’ve lost the woman I love, and it’s like my soul is repeatedlyyanked through my belly button, dragging my innards with it. I didn’t know I could feel this empty. Walking away should’ve set her free, but she didn’t look free when I said it.
“Connor’s taking me to a water park and then acrobatic horse riding on the beach.”
“Cool.” I recheck my phone.
“And we’re doing a naked skydive.”
“Each to their own.”
“Niki!” Senna stamps her foot. “I’m trying to get a reaction out of you.”
“No shit. Why are you really in my office?”
“Will this be your last race, or are you driving for Vessa next year? Connor tried to get the information out of you yesterday, and I made Mum call you to find out, but you didn’t say.”
I lean back in my chair as she paces. “I haven’t decided.”
She drops into a chair on the other side of my desk. “Why?”
“I’ve had a lot on my mind,” I concede, “and I don’t know what I want anymore. I loved my first race back in Austria, but Silverstone was different.”
“Because you didn’t get as high a position?”
I shake my head. “I loved racing, but it wasn’t like before. I chatted with my counsellor yesterday, and he said something I can’t stop thinking about. He said maybe I needed to race in Austria to prove I could be the guy I used to be, but that I’d moved on, too, and I was a new version of me now.”
