Her kind words don’t have the desired effect. In September, Tabi will start school. She needs a consistent life with someone who’s there for her.
I force a smile as Niki’s dad adds, “I’m so proud of Niki. With everything he’s been through, he could be racing for the biggest team in the world. It’s what he’s always wanted and what he deserves.”
My stomach aches with indecision. I need to talk to Niki. He fought hard to be here, and over time, he’ll resent us if we take him away from that. Since we met, I’ve known he’s passionate and where he wants to be.
I want him to be happy.
I experienced losing my dreams. I can’t stand in the way of his.
If I have to force him to walk away, I will.
Niki climbs the leaderboard and ends the race in ninth. He’s lost his swagger. The way he secures his cap as he walks to the team area after press interviews proves he’s unhappy.
He waves, but he’s quickly monopolised by a group whogiggles at him. One of them opens their top and thrusts a thick pen at him so he’ll sign her chest. He doesn’t take it and rolls his eyes. He winks at me before smiling.
He deserves the attention. He drove well and was awarded Driver of the Day by voters.
“He’s a cocky bugger, isn’t he?” Senna says, joining me. “I keep seeing aspects of the old Niki. His counsellor and others got him here, but a lot of it is because of you.”
I shrug. “It’s all him. He was desperate to get back to who he was.”
“Dad told me he let it slip about Niki racing for a team again. The race in Austria reminded him how much he missed the adrenaline. He was going to tell you,” Senna says. “Are you coming to Hungary next weekend for the last race before summer break?”
I fiddle with the hem of my racing top. “Maybe. My parents are going on holiday tomorrow. I’ll check if Sasha’s free to babysit Tabi. How do parents manage the season with children?”
“As you can see, most of them don’t travel. Some of them only come to races while others have tutors as part of their entourage. That’s what Dad did with me and Niki. Before we were ten, when he was team boss, we sometimes travelled with him, especially to the European races, but he was away a lot. That’s the racing life.”
Niki makes it about two metres before another group accosts him.
“Was your dad extra attentive when he was home?” I ask.
Senna’s laugh makes me jump. “Sorry. You couldn’t have described Dad as attentive unless we were karting or racing. That’s one of the reasons Niki got involved in karting—so that he’d get Dad’s attention. I did it to get them both to notice me.” She chuckles. “But Niki isn’t Dad. Dad always came home stressed and grumpy. That’s not my brother.”
“Yeah,” I say, but he’s been distant over the last week.
“Finally,” Niki says as he reaches us. He kisses my cheek. “Sorry, Senna. I can’t believe Billy tapped me early on and made me spin. I’ll do better in Hungary next week.”
He doesn’t seem angry. They chat about the race as I stand beside them. Niki says he wants to give pointers to Tawny. He was behind her during the race and knows she can achieve more. His eyes light when he talks about helping her.
I fiddle with my phone as a man elbows me out of the way so Niki will sign something. Niki’s so focused on discussing the race that he misses it.
A young fan runs over, and Niki laughs as they talk about racing. Niki even offers to watch him race one day.
My life is rushing past me. My skin’s clammy. I need to speak to Niki about what he wants in the future and if there’s a Tabi and me–shaped space in it. I need to decide if I should walk away.
I’m jumping the gun, but I’ve had my dreams crushed. I can’t watch that happen to him. He deserves the world.
Jacs and Tawny call me over.
“Rosie,” Tawny says. “Jacs and I owe you a night out. Are you free tonight?”
I shake my head. “I need to get home to keep Tabi’s routine so she’s okay for preschool tomorrow. Another night for sure.”
“We’ll hold you to that,” Jacs replies as Billy Nister joins us.
“Hey. I need to apologise to Niki for tapping him. I was showing off for my stepbrother. I think you’ve met everyone,” Billy says to someone, but I’m distracted by how Niki looks warily at me after Senna says something to him.
I watch her mouth as she says, “Dad told her you’re hoping to sign with Vessa.”
