That day, Macca warned me to slow down on the corner, but I wouldn’t listen. I wasn’t always arrogant, but every so often, my ego was bigger than my skillset, and that day, it nearly killed me.
“Senna, are you there?”
Senna usually listens to the radios as she watches the screens and discusses strategies, including which tyres and when to pit to change them.
“Yes. You good?” My little sister’s voice is like a breath of fresh air. Anyone can pick up team radios, so she can’t ask me how my anxiety is. Instead, she refers to something from when we were kids. “Still the Karting Champ?”
We raced as children and then into our teenage years. She beat me more times than I want to remember. The Karting Champ was a trophy we’d give each other without our competitive dad knowing. It was for the person who did something that scared them in a race. It wasn’t about beating others but, rather, beating your fears.
“Yeah, I’m the biggest Karting Champ. Thank you for always being there even when I wouldn’t listen.”
“Whatever you do next, I’ve got your back.” Tears brim my eyes as I consider all the times I didn’t sing my pride for her loud enough while she told people about her amazing big brother.
“I’m so proud of you, Senna.”
“I’m proud of you, too. Bring that fifth place home.”
“Yes, bossy boss.”
“Bossy boss.” Macca chuckles.
My tears turn to laughter as she joins in.
As I reach Billy, my body vibrates. My adrenaline spikes as I drive to his left on the corner. He tries to block me, and I overtake him on the right. Billy may be reckless, but I’m experienced.
My heartbeat is like rapid fire as I pass him and then block his fight to get his position back. I accelerate down the straight as I grip the paddles.
“Yes!” I shout.
“Yes, Niki!” Senna adds.
“Well done, mate! I didn’t see that coming,” Macca shouts. “Now stop deteriorating those tyres. Keep fourth. Two laps left.”
I hope Rosie saw that move.
I consider my future as I take the next corner. Thinking of last night and my promises to her don’t distract me. They fill me with the intensity I need to keep my position and lock Billy out from getting past.
My mouth dries. I don’t know if I love this race because I’ve proved I can still do it or if it’s because it’s the future I can’t be without.
I spot a flash of red. Marco is ahead of me, but my car isn’t fast enough to overtake him in two laps. The curve of the next corner tests my focus, but as soon as I’m through it, I return to strategising my life.
Maybe I could ask Senna if she’d be okay with me driving for another team. Tawny isn’t going anywhere, and Connor will return after the summer break. If I want to race, I must move to a different team. I used to be in demand, although I refused to drive for anyone but Coulter.
I reach a chicane and use my strength to stop the car from sliding. The car’s heavier than I’m used to, and I pant from how it tests me. Billy’s still in my wing mirrors, but he’s barely a threat. I’ve got this.
I take quick breaths and suck at my water tube.
I hope this drive shows Rosie the man I can be. Driving professionally would also show her my health anxiety is manageable—and that her, Tabi, and I can be a family.
I’ll talk to Senna and then Vessa’s team boss. Marco spoke about leaving, so there could be a spot on their team soon. I won’t tell Rosie yet. There’s no point if nothing comes of it.
I fist my hand as I make my decisions. My limbs tense as I pass the waving chequered flag. My first race since my crash and I came fourth. I can do this. I can have this future.
CHAPTER 69
Rosie
Iwatch Niki prepare for the third session of qualifying, Q3, at Silverstone with my heart in my mouth. This session determines the top ten grid positions for tomorrow’s race.
