“It somehow slipped in during the hour conversation”—her eyes widen—“that Coulter Racing is a different place because of you. We chatted about how you’ve supported other PAs and how well you manage my team. The lengthiest part of the conversation was when I admitted the difference you’ve made to my health anxiety.”
She gasps. “You told them about that?”
“I explained my crash and its impact on me, and I shared how I wouldn’t be racing this weekend if not for you. Then I proceeded to share everything that had happened. I said that one day you’ll be amazing in the field of sports psychology. And I talked about Tabi and how incredible she’s been with my health anxiety and that it’s all because of you.”
She clasps my hands. “What did Mum say?”
“Not a lot. When I finished the call, your dad said she was processing what she’d heard and he’d talk more with her before they join us in Austria. Your mum softened a little when I said Tabi sat through a movie.”
“Because of her fear of the dark. It explains why I received a message from Mum this morning that was mostly positive.” She lets out a breath, and some of her tension eases. “I can’t believe you did that.” She cups my cheek and kisses me. “Especially as you’ve got enough to worry about this weekend.”
I shrug. She sits between my thighs, her back flush against my chest. “I’m anxious, but I’m excited, too. I’ve wanted this for eighteen months, but I didn’t think it was possible. I finally have everything I’ve ever wanted.” I mean her as well, but at her silence, I still. “If you want that.”
“I do.” She turns to look at me over her shoulder. “But I don’t want to get in the way or add to your stress while you’re there. You’ll have a lot to deal with.”
“But having you there will make it better. I know it’s not the same, but you were a professional rugby player. Youunderstand the adrenaline and excitement that comes with the anxiety.”
“Oh, come on. I was eighteen. It doesn’t compare.”
“You looked pretty impressive to me.”
Her eyes narrow when she looks over her shoulder. “Niki,” she says as a warning. “What did you do, and why are your eyes twinkling?”
“I might have asked your dad about where I could find videos from your rugby days.” I press a couple of buttons on my phone and connect it to the television in the snug. A slightly fuzzy video of a rugby match plays on screen. Eighteen-year-old Rosie runs the pitch. Her red and white rugby strip highlight her muscles as she shoves a player from the opposition out of the way.
Rosie stares at the screen. I move to sit beside her so I can enjoy the way her lips quirk and her eyes sparkle.
She holds her hand to her mouth but pulls it away quickly. “That’s Phillipa. We used to call her Speedy because she could fly down that pitch. When she first joined our team, she’d get nervous and drop the ball when someone tackled her. It took a long time, but she grew in confidence, and soon she was scoring tries. She plays for England now.”
Rosie points out another player. “Kelly was bullied online for her body shape. But once I helped her realise that her body was so strong and that no one could beat her, she became a body-positive role model. Her socials are full of her celebrating her body and that of others.”
“They wouldn’t be achieving their dreams without you.”
Rosie shakes her head, but I thread her fingers with mine.
“I’m serious, Rosie. Tell me more about why you were interested in studying for a master’s in sports psychology.”
“Because, eventually, I want to help young sports people to recognise what is possible. We see the mental health struggles professional sports stars have, but they’re not always giventhe time and strategies to work through them because they’re living their lives in public.“
“I’m proof of that.”
“Exactly, and no one wants their opposition to know about their anxieties either, nor the fans or, in some cases, their bosses.” I smile because it reminds me of everything we’ve discussed about mental health in Formula One. “If I could work with teenagers and put those habits in place early, it would help them long-term. I also want to work with people to enhance their performance, too, but for me, the mental health aspect is the most important.”
“You’ll achieve those dreams.” She blushes as eighteen-year-old Rosie cheers when her teammate scores a try. They perform a cowboy lasso dance. “I hope to see that dance later,” I tease, and she rolls her eyes as she grins. “We should talk about what happens when you start your master’s in September and Tabi goes to school.”
“I’m not sure I can fit it all in. Maybe I should leave it for another year.”
“No chance. It’s clear you want to do it from how you discuss your dreams.” She nods. “We’ll make it work,” I say, fixing her with my stare, but she turns away, avoiding my eyes. “I can change my life and we can make changes at work so you can enjoy it without worrying about us.”
“You’ll have enough going on, and you might be racing full time by then.”
Before we can talk more, Tabi asks, “Is that you shouting, Mummy?” She stares at the screen as Rosie hollers at her team, calling them into position. “You look cross, like when I dropped my crisps yesterday.”
But where Tabi sees an annoyed Rosie, I see a woman who gets more incredible from every angle.
I will make sure she reaches her dreams like she’s helped me reach mine.
CHAPTER 66
