I head straight for her, lift the half-eaten bag, and place it on the side table. I can’t help smiling to myself when I see theway her top has risen up over her belly, and when I give in to temptation and gently stroke her exposed skin, I feel her little girl shift under my palm.
“What am I gonna do, little one?” I whisper so I don’t wake her up. Alicia doesn’t get nearly as much sleep as she should. “I’m crazy in love with your moma,” I explain. “And somethin’ tells me that when you get here, I’m gonna be in love with you, too.” I silently laugh to myself. Feeling her move is the most incredible thing I’ve ever experienced. I’d have my hand permanently attached to this cute, swollen tummy if I had things my way. I use the finger from my other hand to slide the hair that’s fallen over Alicia’s eyes, behind her ear, then lean in to gently kiss her lips. She makes the sweetest little moan, but doesn’t wake up. Resting on the floor, I lean my back against the coffee table and watch her sleep, thinking of all the things I wanna say to her, and after what feels like hours of me beating myself up for being so damn stupid, she finally stirs awake and looks surprised to see me.
“Vike,” she whispers my name as she sits up on her elbows and glances around the room sleepily. “I must have fallen asleep when Greaser left.” She tugs her t-shirt down to cover her stomach as she straightens up. “What are you doing down there?” She giggles when she realizes I’m sitting on the floor.
“I didn’t wanna wake you. You looked peaceful.” I smile. “Besides, you were taking up all the couch.” I laugh as I slide up and sit beside her, now that she’s made some room.
“There's no way I’m going to sleep when I go to bed, now,” she huffs to herself, placing her hand on the armrest like she’s about to get up.
“What ya doing?” I ask.
“I’m making some warm milk; want some?” she offers.
“I got you.” I get up and head toward the kitchen, lifting a pan down from the cupboard and placing it on the stove.
“I’m sorry about Greaser. I know how much you dislike him, but he’s just trying to help. He wants to be a part of this.” She steps into the kitchen, looking so pretty, with her hair ruffled outta shape and that t-shirt persistently sliding up to show off her belly.
“I get it,” I explain, hating the man for existing. I’ve been wondering for some time now if she’s got feelings for him. All this would be so much easier without him here.
“I hated it when you left here, mad,” she explains, stepping closer and placing herself in front of me, blocking my access to the refrigerator.
“Do ya got feelin’s for him?” I ask, needing to know if his affection is reciprocated; even if the answer will crush me.
“No.” She shakes her head and frowns like she isn’t sure of her answer. “But I do appreciate him, and I want him to have the opportunity to know and love his niece. Losing Saul made me realize how important that is.” Just the sound of my best friend's name reminds me of how disloyal I’m being. Of all the millions of women on this Earth, why the fuck did I have to fall in love with this one?
“Like I said, I get it,” I assure her, my body turning stiff with frustration. Saul always wanted Alicia to have a normal life. To meet a decent guy, like a lawyer or doctor. She’s suffered enough drama in her past without becoming someone’s old lady. Despite what my club brothers say, I don’t think he’d ever forgive me.
“I don’t want Greaser to come between us.” She reaches for my hand, squeezing it tight. “You mean so much to me, Vike.” The girl looks like she’s gonna cry, and I hate that it’s all because of me and my jealousy.
“Hey, nothin’ will ever come between us. You know ya got me, right?” I promise her, taking her pretty face in my hand and stroking her cheek with my thumb. She closes her eyes and inhales as if it brings her comfort, and I wish that I had the gutsto kiss her. I wish I didn’t care so much about fuckin’ things up and letting Saul down so I could lay everything out for her and tell her how I feel. The silence goes on for longer, and when she opens her eyes and stares at me with those pretty, green irises, I swear they beg me to make a move.
“I'd better get you this milk.” I smile, cursing myself, and moving past her to get to the refrigerator.
“Yeah...milk’s what I want.” She waddles her way back to the couch and takes a seat, looking disappointed and frustrated all at the same time.
One Week Later
Why is he avoiding me?I ask myself as I sit on the beach and stare out at the ocean. Vike has been up and out the door every morning before I’ve woken up since last week. He doesn’t get home until late, and I can’t help but think it's got something to do with that moment we shared in the kitchen. I was certain he was going to kiss me; he sure looked like he was thinking about it. But it ended up becoming nothing, just another figment of my imagination giving me false hope. When am I gonna let it sink in that me and Vike are never gonna happen? I don’t even feel like he wants to be my friend anymore. When I step into the clubhouse, he immediately makes an excuse and leaves. It feels like we’ve taken one step forward and three steps back.
“Alicia, can I get a word?” Greaser’s deep voice comes from behind me. He looks upset as he sits beside me on the sand and starts sifting it through his fingers
“What's up?” I ask, grateful for the distraction. My mind is shattered from trying to figure out what I’ve done to upset Vike so much that he can’t even be in the same room as me.
“I heard you’ve asked Vike to be with you when the baby comes,” he tells me, his forehead furrowing like he’s confused.
“Yeah, I was?—”
“I was kinda hopin’ you’d ask me,” he interrupts, laughing at himself like he feels stupid and making me feel all kinds of awful for not considering him. “Thing is, Alicia, this little girl you're havin’ is what's been keeping me sane. I lost my mind when Griller died; blamed myself for not being there to protect him, and that little bit of hope you’re carryin’ is what's been driving me to be a better man. I wanna be there for her. I wanna be there for you. Like Griller shoulda been.” He rests his hand on my stomach and allows me to see how heartbroken he is when he stares into my eyes.
“I had no idea you wanted to be there. I’ve known Vike for so long; he seemed like the right option.”
“Vike isn’t family, Alicia. I know the two of you are close, but do you really think he wants to be there for this as much as I do? This baby isn’t his responsibility; neither are you, and as much as I’m sure he cares about you, do you really think it’s his place to be at my brother's baby’s birth?”
I don’t know what goes through Vike's head anymore. He seemed so excited when I asked him, yet it feels like he can’t even look at me anymore. Maybe I’m becoming a burden to him; that he feels obliged to watch out for me because Saul isn’t here anymore.
“You really want to be there, don’t you?” I notice how much softer Greaser's face gets when he talks about his niece. The man is changing right before my eyes, and he’s doing it all for her sake.
“Of course I do, what more can I do to prove that the two of you mean everything to me?”
