“She kissed him, Dev. She kissed him right in front of me, in front of all of ya.” I remind him that even if I am in love with her, there's every chance she’s falling in love with him.
“She was mad at ya, she thought you'd slept with Trinity. Doesn't her reaction prove that she has feelings for you, too?”
“Her kissing someone else with me watching only proves one thing to me.” I grip the railing in front of me.
“If you leave here, Greaser wins; he gets the girl, and you’re gonna regret every day that passes since you left her.”
“You voted that fucker in,” I remind him, thinking it’s a little late for him to be having suspicions now.
“Yeah, I voted him in, but I’m seeing little things that make me doubt that we can trust him. The way he left here so mad; now he’s all up in Raze’s ass. I think it’s time you start playing Greaser at his own game,” Dev advises.
“I don’t wanna be part of no game, Dev. I want her to have chosen me,” I admit weakly. Confused and frustrated at my own damn feelings.
“How the fuck do you expect the girl to choose you when you’ve never laid it on the table?” He laughs at me, and as much as I fuckin’ hate it, he’s right.
“What’s been holdin’ ya back, Vike?”
“You know what it is... Sau–”
“Bullshit! It ain’t her brother, and if he was here, he’d kick your ass for using him as an excuse. You know Saul would want her to be with someone who cares for her the way you do. Be honest with yourself. You're terrified of losing another person that you love. You're scared to love her, you’re scared to lose her, and I know it because I’ve been exactly where you are. I’ve felt your pain. I’ve tried to deny myself; spare that person the burden for the greater good, but it doesn’t work like that. Youcan’t switch those feelings off, you can’t shut ’em out. There just gonna fester and eat away insi?—”
“This is different!” I yell over him, not able to bear it anymore.
“How?” he questions, raising one of his eyebrows.
“Because, it ain’t just her I run the risk of hurtin’, Dev; she’s having a kid.”
“Does that scare you?” he tests me.
“What? No, I’ll love that kid when it gets here… I kinda think I already do–”
“So why are you letting him take ’em from ya?” Dev interrupts me again. “Fight for your girl, Vike. Drop your defenses, lose your fuckin’ hang-ups, and fuckin’ do something before you lose that girl for good.” He slaps my shoulder and heads back inside, leaving me on the deck to think about what he said.
“Come here, darlin’.” Greaser lets himself in and comes straight to me, wrapping me in his arms and trying his best to comfort me.
“He was so mad, he stormed out and left,” I try to explain through my tears. Regretting the way I’ve handled everything and have no idea how to fix it. Vike slept with Trinity before I kissed him; he couldn’t have predicted what was gonna happen between us.
“Hey, stop this now; it ain’t good for the baby.” Greaser presses his hand against my stomach to remind me that it’s not just me I need to think about. “Vike’s just being territorial. He made Saul a promise to take care of ya, and he realized today that what we have is special. Maybe he feels like he’s let Saul down, allowing you to get with a rogue like me.” He laughs. “ Or maybe he’s trying to give himself a way outta all this.” His eyes drop to remind me of all the baggage I’m carrying.
“I never asked him to?—”
“Vike and your brother were best friends; he feels like he owes it to him to take care of you. But he doesn’t have to anymore.” Greaser lifts my chin with his finger and kisses me like he did back at the club, and instead of stopping him, I test itout so I can find out what my feelings are. It would be so much simpler if I could be in love with a man who liked me back.
“There, better already,” Greaser tells me, pulling away and stroking my cheek with his thumb. “You're not his concern now, you’re mine, and I’m gonna take such good care of you. Of both of you…my girls.” He smiles as he looks down at his hand and strokes me tenderly.
“Greaser, I know what happened at the club, but I don’t know if this is?—”
“Don’t start having doubts on me now, not when you’ve got me feeling like the luckiest man on the West Coast.” He laughs some more, and it’s so good to see after all he’s been through. “Alicia, we’re perfect for each other; you're carrying my flesh and blood. You wanna feel loved and desired, and I’ve been waiting for the chance to do that ever since I came back to town.” He kisses me again, and I have to forget that I ever had a single feeling for Vike, because he’s right, I don’t want to do this alone. I need to accept that me and Vike are never gonna happen. It hurts, but I know Greaser can make it better. He’s a different person from the one who left six months ago. Grief has softened him. I’ve felt his kindness, I’ve let him take care of me. I can love him if I give myself some time.
“Here, sit down.” He helps me onto the couch and kisses me some more, and when his hand slides up the inside of my thigh, I hold it steady to stop him from going any further.
“Greaser, I?—”
“You don’t have to explain; baby steps.” He smiles at me. “I’ve been waitin’ a long time for this…We’ll take everything at your pace. But I am going to kiss you again.” He smiles before cradling my face and kissing my lips. A tear escapes my eye, and I don’t quite know what it's for. It’s not happy tears like the ones I cry sometimes when I’m around Rory. It can’t be sadness because I like the promises Greaser is making me. These tearsfeel empty; they spill for the loss of the man who I wanted so badly to be the one who made those promises. I swallow them back, forcing myself to focus on what Idohave.
A man prepared to love me and help me raise my child.
A man who wants to make me happy.
