“Mom, why don’t you and Ivan just make it official? I know you care about him.”
“I know, I know…but he—”
“He? Wait, it’s not him, is it? Because I’ll kick his ass. I don’t care what his ninja turtle of a son does to me later. No man gets to turn you down.”
“Oh, for crying out loud, of course it’s not him. Honestly, Ledger, do you think I would waste my time on such a man?”
“Then whatisthe reason? Because you know you have our full support. We want you to be happy.”
A soft smile I’ve taken comfort in so many times before paints her face. “I guess it’s your dad. I’ve never been able to fully let him go…”
“Mom—”
She wipes a tear from her cheek and slides me an envelope. “Speaking of which,I ran across some letters he must have written before he passed away. I know your relationship with your father wasn’t good, but I hope you’ll read it. He loved you so much even though, I’ll admit, he did a horrible job of showing it. It’s something I’ll never forgive him for.”
“I know he loved me. It’s taken some time, but I’m finally learning to forgive him.” It takes all I have to stop staring at the letter on the desk and look back at Mom. “I may not have been sure about his love for me, but I never doubted his utter devotion to you, Mom. That man loved you body, mind, and soul. And if I was ever sure about anything, it’s that he would’ve wanted you to be happy. Even if that happiness was in the arms of another man. It wouldkillhim to see you lonely, and you know it.”
Mom reaches across the desk and takes my hand, tears now streaming down her face. “Thank you, Ledger. I love you so much. Thank you.”
“I love you too, Mom, now go find your…later.” I wink.
With a diabolical chuckle, she stands, shaking her head as she walks away. “Good night, baby. Read the letter.”
And with that, she’s gone, and I’m alone again. Alone and staring at the envelope with his handwriting.Ledger.
I’ve read every journal of his I could find, searching for something, anything. Looking for any indication of the affection he once had for me, and what moment in time I lost it. There are so many things I would say to him. So many questions I would ask.
And,God,how badly I want to show him the family I created—the precious woman who chose me and the two beautiful children she’s given me. I know if he met her, met them, he would finally be proud of me. But most of all, I just want to feel his embrace one more time. The only problem is that I wouldn’t want to let go.
I tear into the letter, careful to savor the last words from the man whose approval I’ve spent so much of my life chasing.
Chapter twelve
“Blanche? Are yousureyou’re okay, babe? You haven’t moved in the past thirty minutes. I’m not even sure you’ve blinked.”
Pam’s voice brings me out of yet another daydream. It’s the same one that’s been pulling me in all day, where I’m still tied up in my boss’s basement, shaking with pleasure as he…
“Blanche!”
“Jesus, Pam, not so loud.” I rub my throbbing head, reminding me of the high I’m still coming down from. “I’mfine, okay? Just calm down, please.”
My friend takes the hint and shuts the fuck up, unfortunately, only to flop down on the sofa right beside my head. My groans of protest go unanswered as she chuckles softly. “Blanche Bedford, you were gone all weekend, and then you show back up in our apartment, quite frankly, looking like you’ve been hit by a truck. Now you’re going to spill the beans, or so help me, I will turn all the lights on and sing at the top of my lungs.”
I sigh, admitting my defeat. I’ve known this woman my whole life, and she’ll absolutely make good on that threat.
“I slept with my boss.”
She lifts a brow before opening her mouth, but I stop her before she can remind me that I’ve already technically slept with him. “Again.”
“Aha! Iknewyou would! Go on then, tell me all about it!”
To her credit, she manages to stay uncharacteristically quiet while I describe how Henry fucked me in his office.
“So that was Friday. What about the rest of the weekend? It just doesn’t add up. I can understand letting him have it in the heat of the moment, but as adamant as you werenotto sleep with him, it doesn’t make sense that you would’ve just…left with him.”
I wake in an unfamiliar, dark room, body sore, mouth dry. My hair has fallen into my eyes, preventing me from getting a good view of my surroundings, but when I go to brush it out of my face, I’m met with resistance. Fuck. I search for any memory of how I arrived here, only to be reminded by the familiar low timbre of…
“Tsk tsk tsk, Blanche. Can’t remember how you got here? Let me remind you.”
