“You don’t get it,” she mumbled, her eyes fixed on the water.
That hit harder than if she’d screamed at me. I scooted back from her instinctively and stood, my chest heaving.
“This is why I left for months. This right here, because I can’t fucking do this. Icannotfucking do this! You make me feel like I’m losing my goddamn mind. I feelcrazyfor asking for this one thing. Just one fucking thing! I’m not asking you to cut off a limb, I’m not asking you to bleed for me. I’m asking you tocome down with me.To stand next to me while I clean up the shit Arthur left behind.”
My throat burned. I hated how my voice shook, how much it sounded like begging.
Dirks looked up from where he sat. “Luna... you should go.”
“You don’t get it. You’re asking me to bleed. You’re asking me to rip open a scar that I’ve healed over.” Her lips parted, her eyes wide as they darted between him and me.
She burst into sobs, the kind that ripped out of her chest and made my stomach knot. “Leave,Jer. If this is what will break us,then fucking leave!”
I stumbled back a step, the words cutting like a blade. Anger roared up to cover the ache. “I hate you,” I spat, each word venomous, though my heart cracked with every syllable. “I fucking hate you for never putting me first. Not once. I thought we could move past it. I thought this party would stitch us back together.” My eyes burned as I turned toward Dirks, shaking my head. “I can’t do it like this. There has to be some give with her. Right now it’s take, take, take, and my cup’s bone dry. I’ve got nothing left.”
I dragged my gaze back to her, my chest heaving. Her face was streaked with tears, her whole body shaking, and I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms and never let go. But the words came anyway, breaking me as much as they broke her.
“If you don’t show up next week... that’s it. This is the last time you’ll ever see me.”
Her sobs grew, the sound ripping through me, and for a moment I swore I could feel my own heart splitting clean in two. If I looked at her one second longer, I’d crumble. So I turned away.
In that single step, I knew the choice I’d made. I was leaving my family. Walking away from the only home I’d ever had, from the girl I’d spent my whole damn life chasing, because she couldn’t give me this one thing. Or wouldn’t.
Some selfish fucking reason she wouldn’t tell me.
It was always secrets with her. Secrets she carried close, secrets she let rot in the dark, secrets that broke us over and over again. This was the one that finally shattered us for good.
54
luna
My entire heart split. I’d just gotten him back, but the finality in his voice told me it was over. That was it.
I turned, desperate, and found Dirks standing behind me. “I-I?—”
The world split in two. My hands dropped uselessly into my lap, my chest heaving as I struggled to take in air.
“I-I-I c-cant b-breathe,” I choked out, the words dissolving into another cry that burned through my throat, my body convulsing around the grief.
My hands clawed at the air, then at my chest, but nothing worked. My vision blurred, black creeping in at the edges while my body shook uncontrollably.
The rooftop tilted, the glow of the city lights smearing into streaks. My heart pounded so fast it hurt. I gasped again, but no air came.
“Luna?” A voice echoed faintly. Dirks? Jer? I couldn’t tell.
Everything sounded far away, muffled, like I was underwater.
I went down hard. Heat blurred my vision, and a cold, empty dread surged through me—fear of being left behind.
Everything was white.
The sheets, the pillows, the ceiling. Even the light filtering in through the blinds was a pale wash that made my head pound. For a moment I had no idea where I was or how I’d gotten there.
My chest rose and fell fast, panic flickering until I blinked again, and the room sharpened into focus. Cold, sleek lines. A dresser with nothing on top of it.
Dirks’s apartment.
I pushed up on my elbows, the white duvet slipping down my arms. The blinds glowed with morning light, and my head felt heavy. I sat up slowly and realized it was morning.
