The sun was spilling through the window, warm against my bare skin. Jer was curled into a pillow in his corner of the bed, tattoos stretching over his chest and arms, while Dirks was draped lazily around me, his arm heavy over my stomach like he didn’t plan on moving anytime soon.
“Do you need anything?” Dirks murmured.
I smiled and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. “I’m good. Thank you.”
“You know... ” Jer’s voice cut through, and I rolled to face him.
The light caught in his hair, turning the ends of his dark strands almost golden. His tattoos shifted as he propped himself up, and his eyes—god, his eyes—pulled me in like they always did.
“This is the first time we’ve slept over. All of us. In the same bed. Since... ”
I reached out and caught his face in my hands, tugging him toward me until there was only a pillow between us. “I love it.”
I love this.
I love you.
The words caught in my throat, trapped behind my teeth, because if I said them out loud, I wasn’t sure he’d stay. And god, I wanted him to stay. More than just a warm body in my bed.
I needed him in my life.
Fuck, I was being a pussy.
I sat up, the sheets falling to my waist. “Charlie wants us to come by. She’s pregnant and wants to tell us in person. Jer, are you coming?”
“I shouldn’t.”
“You should. You’re my?—”
“Your what, Luna? Boyfriend?” His laugh was sharp. “That life is baby showers and family dinners and happily-ever-afters. You think I belong in the middle of that?”
He shook his head. “I walk into that house, and it’s only a matter of time before I’m reminded I don’t fit. That I’m still the fuckup who drags everything down. I’ve spent my whole life being the extra, the one who gets pushed out when things get real. And if I go there, and I see it in their faces—even for a second—that I don’t belong? I won’t come back from that.” His jaw flexed. “Better I stay here. Better I’m the third wheel you sneak around with than the stain. Because if I show up and they shut me out... I lose you both for good... again.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I shot back, shoving the covers off. “After everything—after last night—you’re gonna sit there and act like it meant nothing?”
“What else am I supposed to call it, Luna? You want me to say I belong here? That I fit into this life like Dirks does?”
“Don’t twist this.” I gestured wildly between us, my voice climbing. “Because men who don’t belong don’t put their cock down my throat. Men who don’t belong don’t?—”
Dirks sat up, scrubbing his hand over his face. “Okay, maybe we just?—”
“No,” I cut him off, swinging my legs out of bed. “Don’t ‘maybe we just’ me. This is bullshit.” I grabbed my clothes off the floor, yanking them on without looking at either of them.
“It’s better this way. I don’t belong in your life.”
I barked out a humorless laugh. “Better for who? Because it sure as hell isn’t better for me.”
Dirks stood, stepping between us like a human wall. “Luna?—”
“Fuck that,” I said, shoving my arms into my shirt and grabbing my bag. “Let’s go.”
Jer’s jaw tightened, his hands flexing at his sides. I could see it—the fight in him, the one he usually swallowed down until it burned him alive.
“You don’t get it. You’ve got this life. A goddamn place here. I walk into every room with you, and I’m the extra body nobody knows what to do with. I’m not like him.” He jerked his chin toward Dirks. “And I never will be. I’m the reminder that someone’s always left out, and it’s me.”
That wasn’t what I saw. Not even close.
Inside, I wanted to shake him until he understood and saw himself the way I did. He wasn’t the extra piece. He was the thread holding my entire messy tapestry together.
