Because if I’m reliant on her already without letting myself have those parts of her, how can I expect myself to survive if I give in?
Training is all this is. All it can ever be. I'll coach her and once she has her pro card we'll go our separate ways.
Boundaries.
Rules.
Off limits.
My phone pings behind me and I shut the fridge.
I got the night off, what should I wear?
I coast to a stop on the path by the beach. Several groups are still out enjoying themselves on a beautiful summer day. People are happily standing around BBQs cooking dinners, watching kids running in criss-cross patterns over the sand.
I lock my bike to the rack and turn to see Laney rolling up behind me. She's wearing a baggy t-shirt and from the looks of it, nothing else. Her skin is flushed and tanned and it looks like the sun is shining through her.
"Hey Coach!" She waves as she approaches. "It's a beautiful day isn't it?!"
"Yep." I manage to squeak out because my brain is processing the look of her thighs, strong and lean, as one swings over the back of her bike.
She observes the groups gathered on the grassy area leading up to the sand. "That looks so fun."
"It is. Especially on a night like this."
"You’ve had beachside barbeques?"
"Yeah, my family does them a few times a summer. There’s a bunch of us so it’s easier to just pick a Sunday and have everyone show up."
"That sounds so nice." She looks longingly in the direction of the parties. "It was just the three of us so we didn’t do big gatherings like that."
"My cousins feel like siblings. My mom was one of six."
"Six aunts and uncles! Wow. But you don’t have any other siblings?"
"No, just me."
"Are your cousins still around Chicago?"
"Yeah, most of them. A few have gone away for school or jobs."
"Do you still see them a lot?"
"Not as much." I shrug. "You know, people get busy."
Busy being a euphemism for many of my cousins not being comfortable with my recovery. No one is sure how to enjoy themselves in my presence. Parties include lots of “Oh, we have this N/A beer for you, or just water, or whatever."
They mean well, and I’m lucky to have a family who wants to mean well, but it can be tough to be around the people who knew me before, during, and after it all.
Meeting someone now gives me the chance to have them know me free of my past.
Laney doesn’t have to be tainted by my history.
"Trust me, I understand families drifting apart." She says but instead of letting me ask a follow up question, she continues with a clap of her hands. "What’s the plan?"
"Out and back twice to cover 1,500 meters. Since we didn't finish last time I want to make sure you can handle it all."
"Oh, I can handle it all." She says as she gives my body a once over. Fucking flirt.
