"Listen," she says as she clips her foot into a pedal. "I don't know what kind of savior complex or misplaced anger issues you’re dealing with but they’re not my problem. I’m going to ride before the rain comes."
She maneuvers her bike to point in the direction she came.
It isn’t a savior complex or misplaced anger.
It’s concern.
For Laney’s health and wellbeing.
Concern she’ll let her life spiral out of control like mine did before I subscribed to the routine of training for endurance races.
Concern I could have helped her, could have guided her, and didn’t get the chance.
"Wait, stop." I reach out and grab her arm at the elbow. She steadies herself and unclips a shoe before turning to me.
"What Miguel?"
"I’m sorry." I mutter.
"Okay." She elongates the word expecting more of an answer from me.
"I usually train alone." I start, keeping my eyes focused on where my thumb rests along the creamy skin of her arm.
"Same."
"And, I umm, have trouble when things don’t go according to plan."
"I can see that." She states flatly.
"And, when you were late I was worried." I chance a look up at her and am rewarded with a hit of her gaze on mine.
"I’ll try to be better about updating you on my whereabouts." Laney drolls the statement like a scolded child.
I scoff, feeling how out of line I was. There’s a deeper truth behind my reaction. "It’s not just that."
"What else is it Miguel?"
I look into her stormy blue eyes, pleading for her to understand me before I have to say the words out loud.
She waits.
So do I.
"Miguel?" She studies me with a curious look. "Just tell me."
"My life before I started running was…chaotic."That’s putting it lightly.
"Your favorite word to describe me? I have a hard time believing this to be true."
"Trust me, chaotic is the kindest word to use." I can feel my palm getting clammy and I want to drop it from her arm. But losing the connection to her would feel worse so I don’t.
"Okay, so?"
"Well, the routine, the process of training and improving, learning how to maximize my results for endurance races became my life. I exerted dominance over myself and settled for nothing less than perfection."
"Well, it worked. You’re a TP World Champion."
"Yeah..."
