Mere minutes pass before Zander walks past us, helmet in hand, as he frowns at me. “Are you trying to be a nuisance today? What have I ever done to you?”
Before he can blink, I run at him and jump on his back, wrapping my legs around him. He grunts as his arms go to hold my legs, and Maddox miraculously catches his helmet before it hits the ground.
Sloane’s camera starts up again, her laugh filling the air, as Maddox turns back to her and poses along with us. I whisper as loud as I can for Zander to hear me through my helmet, but not loud enough that Maddox hears too. I have to test my thoughts without his gaze on me initially, and this is the only way to do it. “You love me. Probably not the first time you’ve imagined my legs around your waist, eh?”
Zander’s grip on my legs tightens to an almost painful hold, forcing a barely audible whimper out of my throat… but he doesn’t deny it.
Instead, he only blushes at the camera in front of him.
CHAPTER
FIVE
ZANDER
We’re at the local dive bar, milking beers that are far too warm now as we people watch. The ride over here was nothing I wanted it to be. My soul wants him to make the first move, but why would he? He’s happy with Marley—probably more than happy—and I refuse to be the one who messes all of that up.
I’m just the forever third wheel. The sad puppy that they drag around that has a kid and a dead baby mama.
Marley pulls me from my spiral before I’m too far gone. “Zander, what the hell are you sulking over?”
“Nothing,” I huff out like a pissed-off toddler.
Being that close to Maddox brought up feelings I thought I had gotten over long ago. The last thing I want to do is blurt out that their flirting and teasing constantly have me wanting to act on it, but I can’t.
I can’t risk it.
There’s no way I could live without the two of them in my life. So I sit here and sulk just like every other day I spend with Marley and Maddox. They think I’m still holding onto the love I had with Ashley, but in reality, it’s me not willing to risk losing them.
Sure, I grieve over what I lost. But I also grieve over what I’ll never have too.
Maddox throws his hand up to our server, letting her know we’re ready for the check, and I couldn’t be happier. “You two head out, and I’ll meet you at the bikes.”
The tall chairs scooting against the floor are the only thing I hear. My ears feel like I’m in a tunnel, and it’s all too similar to the beginning of the last panic attack I went through.
Marley leans up against her bike, crossing her arms, and staring at me like I’m going to spill my guts to her in this dive-bar parking lot.
“A switch flipped when we got here, Zander…” She leans into me slightly and whispers, “Was it something we said?”
I decide I’m not going to hide anything anymore, and I let it spill. “I had what you have in one another—I fuckinghadit.” I’m pissed and yelling louder than I should be in this fucking bar’s parking lot, or at Marley. This isn’t her fault either. But I’ve passed the point of being sad. I’m just angry now—empty. Angry at the world for taking away the love of my life before we could experience it.
Maddox walks up, joining us at the bikes, and looks between the two of us, already picking up on my faltering mood.
“Join us. Have it all with us, Zan,” Maddox whispers from in front of me. “I can see when our joking hits you harder than it should, and I know tonight was a lot for you, but I’m serious when I offer—join us.”
Marley places her hand on top of mine. “We’ll never replace Ashley, but I know for a fact we can love you just as much as we love one another. Hell, we already love you, but you have to let us in, Zander.”
I’m quick to question, “What the fuck… How long have you two wanted this?”
They have been with me through it all. They saw me at my lowest points, in the newborn trenches and mourning losing the love of my life that I wanted to grow old with. But they never left. They never faltered, no matter how ugly things got.
I’m looking between the two of them, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen them so serious. So I take the leap, unsure of myself and worried sick that these next words will fuck up the only friendships I have. “If you both still want this when we get back to my place, we can see where things go from there…”
The wild grin on Marley’s face has me slightly worried, and Maddox looks like he’s finally able to breathe easily after recovering from a blocked airway.
How long has he wanted this?
I’m about to ask, but he’s throwing his helmet on quicker than I’ve ever seen. I look around for the murderer who’s trying to get us when he slaps my ass, causing me to yelp.
