I try to process what she’s saying, but the idea overwhelms me. She turned me into a ghost? I mean, did I actually die?
“Shadow, I am so sorry. I truly apologize. It was merely a temporary circumstance.”
I gasp slightly, glancing at my hands to see if they have a soft glow like Milly’s usually do, when she places her hand on her chest and shakes her head with concern. I lay my head back on the pillow and look at the ceiling, then lift both my hands once more to look at them. They’re solid. My hands are solid, and I appear to be here. She says it was temporary. How am I even alive? I shake my head and close my eyes as a slight headache starts to spread along my skull.
“Do rest, Shadow. Perhaps this conversation is best postponed until you’ve had proper respite.” She strokes my cheek with her cool hand. I lean into her touch and open my eyes to look at her.
“Did I die, Milly?” I ask in a soft whisper, part of me wondering if the body ache I feel is an adjustment to the afterlife.
“No.” She smiles softly at my worry. “You did not pass on. Your heart, though having slowed to seldom a beat, did not fail. You became incorporeal, just long enough to slip through the brick as though it were a fog. The moment you emerged on the other side, you returned precisely as you are now.”
I nod along to her words and take a deep breath, feeling my heart skip a beat in anxiety. I bring my hand to my chest and rub where my heart is, trying to slow the race that is beginning again. I could have lost myself, lost being nearher.As scared as I am of how she made me pass through something so solid, I know that she wouldn’t risk my life unless necessary. And if I had died? At least it was by her hands and not his.
My heart starts to relax, and I take a slow, deep breath through my nose and out my mouth. I smile at the thought that perhaps if even I were dead, at least I’d be bound to this campus with Milly. Maybe if I were lucky, when that day comes, I could be bound to her presence for eternity. I won’t move on in the afterlife without her again. I don’t recall anything from my past life other than this unwavering familiarity. But I won’t abandon her. I just wish I knew why I had.
I lean forward, pushing against her hand. My nose grazes across her jawline as I inhale her warm, sweet scent. “You can do anything to me, Milly. If it meant dying in your arms—I’d do it. Sure, the thought terrifies me, but being stuck with you forever, or rather the chance of beinglockedwith you, would be a heaven I never thought I’d deserve. I’ll never leave you behind again, love. I promise, if I could remember why that happened, I would tell you. But, I am so so sorry.”
I watch her swallow at my words and shiver slightly. Her eyes tear up, and I gently kiss her chin, whispering once more, “I am sorry if you were frightened.”
I feel her tense up instantly, a telltale sign that has become familiar that she’s putting up that damn fucking wall again. I sigh, bringing my head down lower and nibbling along her neck.
“Shadow, refrain from the dramatics.” Her voice shakes slightly as Icontinue to taste her, cherishing the feel of her flesh along my tongue. “You are not dying. There is no cause for worry. Now allow your body respite. I am perfectly well.” She lifts her hand to shake off in mock nonchalance. But I know my specter well now.
I can’t begin to comprehend the pain of continuing to exist in a world where she didn’t exist, let alone in the place where she died, constantly haunted by the what-ifs of our lives. She spentyearsstuck in the past. I frown as I watch her hide her pain from me.
I bite at her neck, and she gasps at the sudden pain I bring to her skin. “No, Milly. You do not get to write off how I feel for you or how you feel as well.”
I bring my tongue along the reddening bite mark and lick it softly. “These confessions and apologies? Let me show you how sorry I am for hurting you all those years ago.” I kiss along, sucking softly, trying to brand her with my affections.
She inhales shakily, moaning quietly after. I grin at knowing that I have her in my hands, finally. I continue to lean up when Milly vanishes on me.
I groan and wait for her to reappear. “I swear to the God that hates us, Milly… come back here.” I hear her fleeting giggle spread throughout the room, and I clench my jaw in the urge to have her in my hands. I can never have enough of her.
“You must rest. You’ve endured something that I cannot recall any other living soul has faced. I will not expend your strength for my sake.” Her voice echoes through the room.
I pull the blanket off my body as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. Suddenly, I feel a pressure pushing my back down over the couch, my arms being pinned over my head. I see nothing in front of me, but I’m well aware that it is Milly pressing against me.
“Lie down, Shadow. Rest.”
I lick my lips, ignoring her words as I start to lift my hips for contact, finding none.
“Lie down with me,” I retort.
I lift my legs and wrap them around her, finding her invisible body as I pin her against mine. She becomes visible again as the curls on her head cascade around us, blocking out the light of day filtering through the room and illuminating the warmth of her hair.
“You’re so beautiful,” I say as I gaze into her eyes.
She flushes and presses her lips softly against mine. I sigh in delight as I slip my tongue between her lips. Her tongue wavers against mine softly as our kiss becomes deeper, becoming one of heartbreak and forgiveness altogether. I fight against her hold. When she finally releases the grasp on my hands, I rush them into her hair. I pull her closer to me as she gasps at the tension I cause on her scalp.
“Heaven. This is what heaven should be,” I whisper in between kisses.
I drag one of my hands down her spine and slide my fingers into the back of her skirt, grasping her plump ass. She pulls away from my lips and looks down at me before an evil grin overtakes her face, suddenly disappearing once again.
I roll my eyes and stare at the ceiling. “Really,” I grumble.
She appears floating above me, smiling at my evident frustration. “I was quite sincere when I said you must rest, Shadow.”
I can’t help but smile back, though, her beauty overtaking any ounce of annoyance I had brewing inside me. “I can’t get enough of you,” I whisper.
