“Shhh,” he breathes heavily into my ear, which only increases the shudders and the intensity of my orgasm.
My man thinks of everything. I’m not sure I could’ve found a coherent thought in this moment with GPS and a tour guide. Butafterwards, he picks me up and carries me to the connected bathroom before we make a mess on the nice couch. He stands me in the shower and joins me.
The icy jolt of spray shocks me out of my sex-drunk haze. We shower quickly. After the long day and the hot sex, I could’ve curled up with my beautiful man and passed out for the next eight hours. Technically we could do just that with our night off, but I’m guessing we’ll be joining Allie and Ashley for dinner at least before we turn in for the night. I’m pretty sure we’ve already been in the green room longer than necessary. The pre-embarrassment of facing anyone when we walk out of here flames my cheeks. I look up to see if Julian is tracking my reaction. He is. Always.
“Hi, sweet girl.” He drags his index finger down my nose and taps my bottom lip as he says it.
“Hi, hot boyfriend.” I attempt to squash my unease with the sass I know he likes.
He winks and gives me a sweet, soft kiss. “There she is. What’s going on in there?” He taps my forehead.
“I think we might have just announced that we had sex in here.” I turn around and give him my back when he twirls his finger at me to do so. I think he’s going to scrub my back. Instead, he starts washing my hair. His fingers massaging my scalp make my eyes roll back in my head.
“I don’t give a shit who knows. I’ll make love to you again right now.” His words send a tingle through my lower body.
He dips my head toward the spray, letting water and suds sluice down my body, then presses a kiss to my shoulder and turns me around. Pressing his hands to my cheeks, he pulls my lips to his andkisses me deeply. He pulls back and pins me with his azure eyes, his lashes spiky and wet. “You’re my girlfriend. We live together. I think people know we do it.”
He plants a kiss on the tip of my nose, and I can’t help but giggle, embarrassment forgotten. This is one of the many reasons I love this man. I want to tell him that, but I don’t. I don’t want things to get serious right now. I like when he can pull me out of my head and everything feels light and happy and playful. I can breathe when it’s like this—when we’re like this. It feels like nothing else matters and I could keep floating on this plane of existence forever. I can’t wait to be back in our Blue Lake bubble.
As we’re putting on fresh clothes, a knock on the door and Callie’s singsong, muffled voice penetrates my bubble. “Julian? Just wanted to run over some final edits with you when you get a sec.”
I turn to the mirror and start brushing out my wet hair, hoping to hide any reaction my face might give away.
“Be right there, Callie. Thanks,” he calls loud enough to be heard through the door. He comes to the dressing table and stands behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders.
I mess with my hair a couple seconds longer until I can no longer avoid his eyes without giving myself away.
He squeezes my shoulders and winks at my reflection.
“So, Callie’s an editor now?” I arch one eyebrow at him in the mirror.
He gives me his adorable half smile and runs his hands up and down my arms. “I guess I’m about to find out. Wanna go with? Wait here?” He asks the last question with an unspokenor . . .at the end.
“I think I’ll head out to the beach and catch the last sunset.” I look down and busy my hands needlessly straightening up items on the dressing table.
Kissing the side of my head and gently squeezing my biceps, he says, “I’ll meet you down there as soon as possible. Tell the sun to wait for me.” He winks when I make eye contact again and play along by nodding my head with a half smile at his silly request.
When he closes the door behind him, I throw down the makeup brush. Not for the first time, I wonder what the hell I’m doing with such a beautiful man. Everywhere we go, women want to throw themselves at him and do. I mean, that’s why a few random workout videos of him went viral to begin with. Granted, we didn’t get out much to have to deal with it on a daily basis, but I see the writing on the wall. I’m not sure I’m prepared or cut out to deal with everyone wanting my man. I want to throw a toddler-level tantrum, but I settle for shoving my shit into my bag, hastily straightening up the green room and slamming the door on my way out to the beach. I cringe at the sheer brattish behavior—very unlike me, but I can’t deny the satisfaction of the door rattling in its jamb. Yeah, I’m supposed to talk about my feelings, but I’m better at pretending everything is fine. It’s what good military brats do. I mentally salute myself as I stalk out of the building.
***
Sunsets in Malibu rival those I love at Blue Lake and today is no exception. As the fiery orb makes its final descent into the sea, a breeze sweeps over my skin, swirling strands of hair across my face. Ishiver. With the increasing darkness, the temperature drops. I didn’t think to bring a sweater. When I feel the first chill, I tell myself I’ll be warm as soon as Julian shows up. He doesn’t show. I stand and dust the sand off my shorts, ready to trek back up the stairs to Ashley’s. Whatever editing Callie needed him for, it’s taking longer than he said it would. I don’t want to admit it to myself, but I’m sulking. The whole thing is magnifying how much I don’t know what I’m doing with my life—except living his.
Granted, I’ve been learning and loving all things fitness and thinking about where it might lead me. I can see myself making a satisfying career out of it on some level. Maybe not doing exactly what Allie, Julian and Ashley are doing, but I know I could add my own qualities to the mix. I’ve even had the small hint of an idea forming lately about what I might contribute. I’m just not ready to voice it yet, and considering my simmering annoyance, I can’t even summon those kinds of future thoughts. I’m pissed, and I admit, I don’t want to calm down.
My irrational anger and I stomp up the steps in near complete darkness. As I approach the back slider, I can see all three of them, Allie, Ashley and Julian, talking in the kitchen, and my anger ignites into full-blown fury. The small, sensible voice telling me to calm down is extinguished by the neon-green resentment and jealousy. I feel like the supporting character in someone else’s life. And haven’t I always been? Staying out of the way. Doing what was expected. Never making waves.
Tasting what it felt like to be the star of the show only spotlighted my feelings. This doesn’t feel like my life. It feels like Julian’s, and I’m along for the ride. I want to sneak past them and hide in my room,but my evil twin slams the slider and stalks past them without a word instead. Their conversation halts and I can see the smiles and greetings freeze on their faces in my periphery as I storm through the open hallway to the stairs.
In the bedroom we share, I pace, wishing I could throw something or break it. The adrenaline rush doesn’t leave any room for rationale. I just pace and heave. I don’t recognize this hothead I glimpse in the mirror with each pass by the dresser. The click of the door halts my forge. I place my hands on the wooden surface, not looking at my reflection. I don’t want to see that girl. I don’t know her. I don’t look over at him either or acknowledge him in any way. I know it’s him though. Just like I knew he’d come. And I feel like a brat—ashamed even. Maybe I acted like that just to get him to follow me. That pisses me off more. I don’t want to be this girl. I’mnotthis girl. Except that right now I am. And now I can’t get away from myself and how I just acted. Now I have to face him. My nails curl on the wood surface with a faint scratching sound.
He comes up behind me, placing his fists beside my hands on the dresser top, his arms bookending mine. He dips his head down and rests his chin on my shoulder.
I can’t avoid him forever. I look up into his eyes reflected in the mirror—a soft, calm blue. Piercing mine, I see patience and sweetness looking back at me. Pressure immediately builds behind mine. My emotions are at war. My heart races in my chest like a thousand hooves. Shame is quickly snuffing out the flames of my anger.
“Hi, pretty girl.” He tilts his head when he says it, so his nose tickles my temple, and his words push soft puffs of breath into my ear.
It sends a flood straight to my belly and lower. I close my eyes and lean my cheek into his, but my stubbornness digs in its heels. “Don’t, Julie.” My voice hitches, and I clench my stomach muscles to force a steadiness I don’t feel.
