“I just need a minute,” she pleads. Ever turns to look at me now, but she doesn’t take her hand off the door, like she needs to ensure she can bail.
The deer-in-headlights look is back. It’s breaking me. I haven’t seen it since I met her. Now I’ve seen it twice in as many days. I hold my hands up, palms out in surrender, nodding slowly again, hoping it calms her, assures her she has nothing to be afraid of.Is she afraid of me?“Ever, I love you.” I drop my hands to my sides.
“I know.” She doesn’t say it back.
Did she say it back earlier, in bed? I don’t think she did. Maybe not in words, but her body did. Has she changed her mind? Her body can’t lie.She loves me.She presses the handle, opens the door. “How long?” I hate how desperate I sound.
“I don’t know. I just need to think.”
“About us?” I can’t help myself.
“About everything.”
“Okay.” I think I’ve said that more times in the last two minutes than I have in my whole life. But nothing isokay. So why do I keep saying it? What else is there to say? But I can’t not try. “Remember when you told me that saying the truth seems the shortest route to getting to the point of a thing?” I don’t wait for her reply. “We tell each other the truth. You can tell me the truth, Everly.I’m here. When you’re ready to talk.”
“I know.” She walks through the door and closes it softly behind her.
I stand there and listen to the car start. Listen to it leave the driveway. I stand there long after the sound of her leaving fades. And because I want to hit something, I change clothes quickly and drive to Fit—to take it out on the kickboxing equipment.
Chapter 31
Everly
The first thing I notice in the apartment is the slight lived-in vibe. No one has been here since the wedding. Did Julian come here? With Taya? Did she stay here? The bed looks slept on but not in. A couple glasses litter the sink. Were they here together? I quickly throw the dishes into the dishwasher so I don’t have to look at them, think about what they might mean. But how can I flip my shit about that when I kissed Seth? I need to talk to Lilly. As if I summoned her, my phone dings with a text from her. Three actually.
Lilly:Got your note.
Lilly:You home safe?
Lilly:Fuck my head hurts.
She sends a string of emojis depicting a hangover.
Me:I’m home. Sorry your head hurts and that I bailed. Had to get home.
Me:When you feel better can we talk?
My phone screen immediately fills with Lilly’s FaceTime call.
Lilly:Where are you?
Me:The apartment.
Lilly:Why?
Me:I don’t know. Just needed some space. To think.
Lilly:Does Julian know you’re back?
Me:Yeah, I went there first.
Lilly:And?
Me:And I don’t know. I don’t think he lied, technically. He just . . . doesn’t share much about the past. But Taya is here, back. I don’t know more than that. I . . . How can I grill him about his . . . ex? Is she his ex? See? This is the shit I’m talking about.
Lilly:Why can’t you ask him?
Me:I . . . uh . . . kissed Seth.
