“Maybe I’ll put the place up for sale. I’d need to find a home for Sugar and Cookie.”
“Oh my God, Sugar and Cookie are still around?”
Her laugh is real. The same as I remember. “Uh, yeah, Jay. Horses live like twenty-five to thirty years.”
“Right. I knew that.” I didn’t. “Do you still ride?”
“Law school doesn’t allow me much time, but yeah. Occasionally.”
“Law school.” I don’t say it like a question, but I’m curious.
“Yeah, I guess all his threats and control took me down a rabbit hole of curiosity-turned intrigue-turned-career choice.”
Her explanation shoots my brows into the hair dipping onto my forehead. The domino effect of one man’s control masquerading as love. It sends my thoughts literally crashing into my life as I know it. Ever’s words slam into my frontal cortex. I would’ve never met you, Julie. And I wouldn’t take that back. Not even to erase all that.The day she told me that, I realized I wouldn’t either. But now here it is—my past, Taya, alive and well and in my present—and Ever is gone. For good? I can’t let my brain go there. I can’t breathe if I do. She’ll come back. It’s just the weekend. I can distract myself for three days—the three days we took off. For my birthday. See? My birthday is nothing to celebrate. But I am grateful Allie and Ashley will not need me or otherwise miss me for the next three days. Maybe by then, everything will be back to normal. Who the fuck am I kidding? Normal has left the building and possibly the stratosphere. Despite the alternate universe we seem to have dropped into, I reach for normalcy. “Are you . . . hungry?”
“I could try.” She says it like she’s trying to get the right answer on a test. “I’m more curious than hungry. Can I . . . Will you show me your life?” Her smile, though still sad, makes it to her eyes and lifts her cheeks.
It makes my chest ache for what we lost, then spirals me right back into what I stand to lose, and might lose, now. Everly floats through my mind like an apparition—smoky eyes, pixie nose, pouty bottom lip, wisps of chestnut hair that smell like sunshine, long fingers that wrap around my neck and graze the fade of hair behind my ears, legs that wrap around me so perfectly. Rubbing the spot on my chest, I stand. “Let me change and I’ll show you the fitness club. Do you need . . .”I note she’s wearing the jeans and tee she showed up in last night. “Want a change of clothes?”
“I mean, I wouldn’t say no to a pair of sweats.”
“Ever has . . .” I trail off. What am I doing? Am I really acting like any of this is normal?
“No, Jay, it’s fine. I’m fine.” She stands too.
“No, it’s all good. I’ll be right back.” My politeness kicks in again. “Oh, there’s a spare toothbrush, toothpaste in the front bathroom. Extra toiletries for guests. Help yourself.”
She nods as I squeeze past her and the coffee table and disappear into the bedroom to change out of the clothes I slept in. I close the door and zero in on the made bed. The bed she slept in—on—last night. Taya slept here. Tayaishere. Alive. Andhere. And Ever isn’t.Just breathe.I brace my arms on the edge of the bed, hang my head between them and count my breaths. Once my breathing returns to normal, I snag fresh joggers, boxers and a shirt from the dresser. Then, I take out leggings and a tee from the drawer of Ever’s clothes. I can’t help it. I press them to my face and inhale. They’re clean and smell like laundry. Not sunshine. God, I miss her.
Chapter 25
Everly
Music vibrates my chest and pulses in my ears. The BRΩhouse is at capacity. Really, it’s just a regular house that a handful of guys share, but it looks like every movie image of a frat party I’ve ever seen. Bodies everywhere holding solo cups, a kitchen littered with half-full bottles, a small crowd gathered around a keg and another around a heated game of beer pong.
Lilly, Noah and Seth move like a single unit through the bodies and sweep me along with them. Lilly squeezes my hand she’s holding as Seth presses a foaming solo cup into my free hand. Noah hands one to Lilly, and she taps her cup to mine. We take a sip together.
The beer is refreshingly ice cold. I take another bigger gulp. Seth tracks my swallowing as he downs half his cup in one gulp. I can’t tell if it’s the beer or his stare that makes my stomach feel twirly. The adrenaline spike has me gulping more beer though. In two swallows, my cup is empty. I hand it to Seth, who fills it back up with a nod and a grin. We’re standing at the kitchen island. Noah and Lilly are greeting the girls currently concocting some pitcher of bright pinkliquid. Noah snags four Jell-O shots off a tray and passes them out to the three of us. I down it without hesitation. I want to dull my nervous energy. And I don’t want to think about my life back home. If I even have one anymore.
As the familiar guitar riff of AC/DC’s “You Shook Me All Night Long” erupts through the house. I grab Lilly’s hand again and cry, “Let’s dance.” But she’s already shaking her head.
“You go. Noah and I are about to school these clowns in pong.”
“I’ll dance with you, Davis.” Seth slings his arm over my shoulder and steers me toward the living room, crowded with several jumping, swaying coeds shouting the lyrics word for word.
Draining my solo cup, I toss it back onto the kitchen bar and move with him, my head beginning to buzz. We join the group, moving to the beat, shouting the lyrics too. The DJ must love old-school rock because AC/DC flows right into “Patience,” my favorite Guns N’ Roses song. As old-school rock goes, this isn’t a common choice.
Seth slides his hands up and down my hips and pulls me close.
I let him, even though it feels wrong. His touch is wrong. His smell is wrong. It’s all wrong. But tonight, wrong is better. No piercing blue eyes. No fingers that curl around my ear. No lips that—
Axl Rose’s voice interrupts my doom spiral.
“I love this song,” I lean in near Seth’s ear and blurt over the music and noise. “It reminds me of my dad.”
“Does he like GNR?” he asks loudly to be heard.
I’m smiling, but I shake my head. “He did. He died in Afghanistan when I was twelve.”
