I kiss her deeply, quickly. “Okay. Okay, Taya.” I’m scared to cross this line, but I’m more scared not to. I want to be here for her, give her what she wants, even though I know it’s just a crutch. My choices sucked. Leave her alone in her grief or give her this crutch. I won’t refuse her.
Taking myself in my hand, I guide it into position between her legs and into the slippery heat. I meet resistance and ease up.
But Taya is single-minded in her resolve. She locks her hands onto my hips and, with surprising force, pulls me into her. Her wetnesshelps, but I feel the pierce. The short cry that rips from her throat tells me it hurts.
I freeze. She lets me. I rest my forehead on hers, panting, fighting for control over my urge to keep driving.
“It’s okay, Jay. Keep going.” I know without knowing she welcomes this physical pain, hoping it drowns the emotional pain.
“Shh, Taya, give it a second, okay?” I rain little kisses on her face—temples, forehead, cheeks, lips. She lies still under me, eyes closed, while I kiss her. When I stop, she opens them, and we stare at each other. I slowly move inside her.
She reaches her palms to my cheeks, rubs tenderly, encouragingly. She tries to hide the wince of pain. But I also feel when it stops hurting because I slide in and out more easily. Her eyes glaze over just before they roll up and her lids shutter down. Her lips part on a long exhale—part moan, part breath, as her hips rise to meet each thrust. I don’t know how much longer I can hold back, or if I’m supposed to.
Instinctively, I know there is more I could do to give her what she wants. My inexperience has my carnal impulses taking over. I want to slow down for her, but she won’t have it. So I drive in and out, over and over, until the buildup becomes too much. Her nails dig into my hips, leaving divots. I relish the pain as a fair turn for the pain I caused her. I groan into her neck as my orgasm rips through me and pulses into her.
As my brain returns to earth, the first thought that slams into my mind is that we didn’t use a condom.Fuck!We are the typical stupid, irresponsible teenagers.Fuck!I can’t change it now. I’d been carrying one around in my wallet for a while. I just didn’t think to get it.Stupid!But I can give her a release I know she didn’t get with mine. I don’tknow how exactly, but I’ve never wanted anything more. I need her to feel good, great, loved. I think I do love her. We’ve never said it, but I think it must feel like this. I’d do anything for this girl. I’d take her place right now, trade my mom for hers.
I push that chilling knowledge from my mind.
Instead, I focus on kissing her neck. She arches, giving me better access, and holds my head to her, encouraging my attention. Pulling out, I trail kisses down her body until I’m between her legs. I place featherlight kisses to her center.
Her body responds, a hardening bead. I suck it gently into my mouth, flicking my tongue over it. Her body arches off the ground as my name floats out of her mouth, her voice low and husky. Pushing my hands under her, I lift her to meet my lips more fully. I don’t use my fingers for fear she’s too sore, but I make up for that with my mouth.
Her legs lock tight around me.
I increase my intensity and pressure, causing my body to reawaken. I ignore the urge to plunge into her, but I do test a finger, slowly penetrating her soft heat.
A gasp rips from her lips, followed by a long, “Yesssss.”
I nip the bud with my teeth and add a finger. Her legs lock like a vise as she pulses around my fingers. I slow my motions, mouth and hand. Her fingers in my hair pull slightly while holding my head in place against her as she pants through her orgasm. When her arms and legs go limp, I rest my cheek on her lower abdomen and she pets my hair idly. I scoot up until I’m lying even with her. As reality sinks in, I cringe inwardly that our first time was on a stable floor. But I don’t have long to dwell on it.
Taya interrupts my thought spiral with, “C’mon, let’s go to the drugstore and get Plan B. And some condoms.” She rustles the hair on my head playfully. Gone are the torment and pain of losing her mother. I know what Plan B is, but I’ve never known anyone to need it before. I wonder if we should go to a nearby town where no one knows us—knows her. No one knows me already. But everyone knows her.
We sit up, side by side, not looking at each other now.
“What about Rus—your dad?”
“He’ll be busy with . . . the formalities.”
I turn my face to hers. Even in profile I see hers fall, eyes filling with fresh tears. “I’ll drive, okay?” I grab her hand and stand her up, then hug her naked body to mine, threading my fingers through her hair.
“Okay.” Her chest rises and falls with her deep breath. And just like that she tucks her pain back in. “Thanks, Jay. I . . . I love you.”
“I love you back. I mean it, Taya. Always. Okay?” I vow naively. Completely believing every word I say.
She nods against my chest, takes another deep breath, then steps away and begins collecting her clothes.
Chapter 10
Everly
The plane is now at cruising altitude, so I unbuckle to get a drink. I’m still floored by this level of wealth and wonder if this is my mom’s daily reality as a VIP flight attendant. Still, I walk toward the bar like I’ve done it a million times.
The flight attendant meets me there. “Can I get you something? Mimosa? Coffee?” She smiles and waits for my reply.
I planned to just get some water, but as Callie’s tinkling laugh hits my ears, I change my mind. “Ooh, a mimosa sounds great. Do you have pineapple juice?”
“Of course. Would you like both pineapple and orange juice?”
