"You're incredible, Alena. And I think—if you gave this a real chance—we could be good together."
I look at him. At his hopeful face. His perfect smile. "I'll think about it," I lie.
He smiles. Leans in. Kisses my cheek. Lingering. "I'll call you."
"Okay."
I get out. Walk to my door. He waits until I'm inside before driving away.
I close the door. Lean against it.
Lucy appears from the living room. "Well? How was it?"
"Fine."
"Fine? That's it?"
"He was nice."
"Nice?" Lucy's face falls. "Babe, he's perfect. Rich, charming, clearly mad about you—"
"I know."
"Then what's the problem?"
I look at her. At my best friend who just wants me to be happy. "I need to shower," I say.
I head upstairs before she can argue.
• • •
In my bedroom, I strip off the red dress. Let it pool on the floor. Sit on the edge of the bed in my underwear.
Pick up my phone. Scroll through photos. Past the recent ones. Past the new house. Past the rehab selfies and the "getting better" shots Lucy made me take.
All the way back. Two years back.
And there he is.
Drogo.
Smiling at the camera. Rare smile. The one he only ever gave me. Black t-shirt. Tattoos visible on his forearms. Blue eyes bright. Hair messy like I'd just run my hands through it. Which I had.
I stare at it. At his face. At the man I haven't seen in two years but can't forget.
My hand slides down my stomach. Under the elastic of my panties.
I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't.
But I open the drawer of my nightstand anyway. Pull out the vibrator. Black. Sleek. Expensive—because if you're going to pathetically fuck yourself to memories, at least use quality equipment.
I lie back on the bed. Phone propped on the pillow beside me. His face filling the screen.
Turn on the vibrator. Press it between my legs. Close my eyes.
And I'm there again. Two years ago. In his arms. His hands on my hips. His mouth on my neck. The way he'd looked at me—like I was everything. The way he'd fucked me against the dresser. On the bed. The sounds he'd made when he came inside me. The way he'd whispered "I want you mine. Only mine." The way I'd said "I've always been yours."
I press the vibrator harder. Hips lifting off the bed. Open my eyes. Look at his photo. At that smile. At the man who left me and never looked back.
