Finally, a Pack Member
*GWENDOLYN*
The dinner is surprisingly relaxed, although I can feel how the whole tragedy around Marina’s fate weighs on everyone. But I am still glad we all manage to unwind a little. Dario has joined us, and Felix is catching him up on what happened. Liam has an arm wrapped around Annie while chatting with Marcellus and his not-a-luna, Silas, and Arden is with them.
The twin alphas and their mates are engulfed in a talk with Elden and Aurelia, while Faye is still clinging to Celine. I have tried luring her away from her so that Celine can eat, but Faye wouldn’t move an inch, and Celine tells me she doesn’t mind.
It’s so rare for me to see Faye like that, so cuddly and touchy. It gives me another twinge in my chest, realizing that maybe I didn’t give her what she needed throughout the last year.
I use this moment of distraction, in which everyone is busy talking to someone and not paying attention to me, to walk out of the room briefly, just to take a couple of shaky breaths. The corridor is empty, perfect to focus on my racing thoughts. The overbearing, pressuring guilt is with me again, pressing down on my chest like it always does.
“Is everything alright?” Felix asks quietly.
My head snaps up to look at him. I didn’t even notice he followed me outside.
“You… you feel down, I can feel it through the bond. It’s Marina, isn’t it?”
“Marina and Faye,” I admit. “I…” I glance at the dining room, watching how Marius has opened something on his phone and reads it to Faye, who is still sitting on Celine’s lap and listening intently now.
“Talk to me, babe,” Felix urges, taking my hand and kissing it. “It might take a while for me to understand, but I promise I will try, and I will always listen.”
I notice he is doing that a lot, hinting that he isslow, which I know he isn’t! Whatever the other girls said about him, it must have struck a nerve deep within him. Fuck everyone who told him he isn’t smart enough!
“Felix.” I wrap my arms around him. “I have no doubts that you will understand whatever I tell you.”
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“This was me asking about your problem,” he pouts. “Not the other way round.”
“It’s a give and take,” I say. “I might not have known you for long, but I know how empathetic and perceptive you are. I havenever met anyone like you, and in case you missed it, everyone in this room truly loves and respects you. Being dyslexic doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t make you less smart. And those peers who badmouthed you? They are the problem, not you. You are absolutely relationship material. Actually, you are the only guy I have ever met who was that much relationship material. You are truly the whole package.”
Felix is quiet for a moment before he swallows thickly. “Thank you, Gwen.” He pauses. “And what’s lying on your mind?”
“Faye is so comfortable with Celine. Look how she cuddles with her. I… I always thought that she wasn’t the touchy type of child, and that she didn’t want me to fuss over her too much, but I think I just missed the signs. I… she stayed with me for over a year, and I wasn’t able to give her what she needed. Maybe I just lack maternal instincts.”
“That’s not true,” Felix argues. “You were eighteen when Marina and Faye started to live with you. Only seventeen. And you did more than anyone else your age would have done. You are so empathic, and you tried to do everything you could. You were just tossed into the deep end. You had zero time to prepare.”
“Listen to him,” Flora’s voice startles me. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to listen in, I was just walking past you.”
I look at her, my stomach clenching painfully. Flora is a mom of six kids. I can believe her, can’t I? “Sweetie,” she says. “Felix is right. You were a child yourself when you took in your friend and her daughter. I am sure if Faye stayed with you for longer, you would have become like a mom to her.”
“I feel so guilty,” I mutter. “When Faye came running towards us, it was Celine who reached out to her, and I needed a moment.”
“So did I,” Flora says. “And I have always loved being a mom. Annie is the same, and I think we both agree that she has a lot ofmaternal instincts in her. You have never been truly free in your life; there is no shame not to be ready to be a mom. One day, when the time is right, and you both want it, you will become a mother, and I amsureyou will be a fantastic one. You were a friend and sister to Faye when she needed it the most, and I am sure she will remember that for the rest of her life. Faye has a chance to live a fulfilled life because of you. It was your doing alone that gave her a chance for an actual future.”
“Maybe,” I say quietly. “Maybe you are right… Rationally, I know, but my heart and emotions…”
“They will follow your mind,” she reassures me. “That’s the problem with all our fears and anxieties. The only way to conquer them is to allow them to exist, but not make our decisions based on them. It’s hard, but every time you make your own decisions, it will get easier.”
Flora wraps me in her arms. We must look hilarious because she is so much smaller than I am, but weirdly enough, I don’t mind. There is something so warm about her, something that lures me in as if warm sunlight is shining on my skin.
I have never had a mom to hug me like this. I wasn’t aware of how much I needed this. It’s no surprise that I wasn’t able to give this to Faye; I didn’t even know it was something shecouldneed, because I wasn’t aware of how muchIneeded it, too.
“It’s okay,” Flora says gently, her warm hands brushing my back. “It’s okay, Gwendolyn. You are a wonderful person and did everything you could. Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. And if they do-“ She lets go of me to ball her hand into a fist and pump the air in a mock-threatening gesture. “I will hit them.”
I wipe my tears away, unable to stop a smile from spreading. “Thank you.”
