“Definitely,” Elden agrees. “Flora will look for someone immediately. I think it would be important to have someone accompany her through her grief, but also someone who can help find the right words to tell her the truth.”
“When should we tell her?”
“The sooner the better,” Elden says. “I suspect, deep inside, she is already aware that something is terribly off. It must pull ather constantly, even though she always smiles at everyone. She needs to learn the truth soon.”
Elden and Liam talk about some more mundane things with me, probably to distract me. With me present, Elden also talks to one of the two therapists in the pack. It did help put my mind at ease a little concerning Faye, but the relief is only momentary.
Faye will be devastated. Maybe not immediately, maybe it will take a while for the truth to settle in, but I am sure the severity of the situation will hit her soon. She clings so much to her mom, I don’t know how she will cope with losing her.
And then what? What will happen? Part of me wants to take her in to live with Felix and me, but I am not sure if I am going to be able to give her what she needs. I am not sure if I even can. I just want what’s best for her.
Goddess, what am I going to do?!
How will I be able to let Marina go?
I know I have to do it, but how can I?
After leaving Elden’s office, I return home immediately, settling down on a blanket in the garden. I can’t do anything else but stare into nothing, and let my thoughts and emotions run wild. Marina was my only friend. She was older, but once she noticed how everyone treated me, she reached out for me, she protected me, she was like the older sister I never had. I was devastated when she had to leave the pack, but also happy for her.
How misguided my happiness was.
My best friend, my sister, was in such a terrible place that it broke her completely. And now… now…
I feel a wet nose poking me, before my capybara climbs into my lap and cuddles up against me. “Oh, Tuesday,” I mutter.
He is not the only one to come for a cuddle. Tiger lands on my shoulder and rubs her head against my cheek, her sharp beak poking me a little. Mr. Dot purrs and settles down next to Tuesday on my lap. Even my otter and duck come. My raccoon hands me an orange he must have found somewhere, and-
The Pallas’s cat meows grumpily before poking me with its paw. “You still don’t have a name,” I mutter. “You look like an Oscar to me. Do you like that name?”
He just stares at me grumpily, so I’ll take that as a ‘No!‘, then. I don’t know how long I stay like this, but eventually I can hear the door to the house opening, then footsteps hurrying over the floor, and Felix rushing through the open terrace door.
“Gwen,” he says, dropping down next to me and immediately pulling me into his arms. “I just heard everything from Dad.”
I am so glad he is here. Instinctively, I bury my head in his chest, allowing myself to be vulnerable in his arms. “I am so sorry,” he whispers. “I am so sorry. This is just so unfair. Marina didn’t deserve it, neither did you or Faye.” He says some more, but I can’t hear what he says because I sob into his chest. The sound of his voice is oddly comforting. It helps to hear him talk, although I barely catch anything.
After a while, I take a shaky breath and pull away. “I feel better,” I say, my voice hoarse. “Thank you.”
“Gwen, babe.” Felix takes my hand. “I just wanted to promise you that I am going to support you in every way I can. If you want Faye to stay with us, I will support it. If you want her to stay for a while, that’s okay too. Whatever you decide - really!”
I take a shaky breath. If not him, then I can’t talk to anyone about it. I have to trust my mate and stop putting up walls to protect myself. “Can we talk about this?” I ask. “I… I just want to-“
“Of course,” he says with a smile.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admit. “It feels so surreal. I can’t grasp that Marina won’t be with me anymore. And it’s true that she was just a shell of herself ever since she returned, it’s true that it was a lot for me to look after her… Goddess, Felix, I am so tired, so tired.”
“I know,” he says softly, pulling me into his arms again. “I don’t think many people would have been able to do what you did. I don’t know I could have… not without help. I’d have Dario at least to help me, or friends and family. But you did it all alone.”
“I don’t think I was good at it,” I admit. “But I tried.”
“Gwen-“
“No, I know. I really tried, but I struggled, and I can’t deny it. Both Faye and Marina are cared for much better here than they were before.”
“That’s because professionals are working with them now,” Felix intervenes.
“Felix,” I say. “Can you… can you see yourself as a dad? Right now, immediately? Be honest!”
He stares at me for a long while, his eyes clouded. “Not really,” he finally says. “But that doesn’t mean-“
