Maddox is driving again. This time, as we are driving away from his pack, his mood seems a bit lighter. That is, if anything about Maddox’s mood can ever be described aslight. He packed his suitcase yesterday once we came back from the bar, while I updated Gwen, Dario and Dad.
Dad told me he would inform Liam, and he commended me for my good work.
I didn’t know it would feel that good to hear his praise. Not that he never praised me before, but this time it’s different. I did something difficult, I took a risk, and I did it right. I gauged the situation correctly and took action the moment it was needed. It feels good to know I did well.
It also helps me to get over the minutes and minutes of silence stretching between Maddox and me. I thought maybe he would have warmed up a little and become more talkative, but he is as quiet as he was the day before.
“Daniel is a nice guy,” I finally say.
Maddox nods. “He really helped me a lot.”
Silence.
“Gwen told me he was the only one who stuck with her after her dad died.”
Silence.
“Did you know her dad?” I ask.
At this point, I just want him to make conversation with me; I don‘t give a shit about the topic. If he wants to talk about rocks, be my guest. If he wants to tell me all about nuclear fission, I’d happily engage with him. I am ready to listen to an hour-long ramble about stamps. But I am not sure if I can handle his reluctance to talk for the whole drive.
After what I experienced yesterday, I am starting to understand why he is that way. Daniel further verified it, but it doesn’t change the fact that he needs to push himself so that we can solve the issue with his pack, and hedefinitelyneeds to do it for Charlie.
I just want to see a glimpse of the real him. For a moment, it was there last night when he snapped at Daniel. But it was just brief.
Maybe I should switch strategy. I have tried to make light conversation and small talk with him, I tried to have him talk about his hobbies, but I never asked the truly burning questions. Things I wanted to ask him ever since I met him.
“Gwen told me about her ex, Brandon, and his friends…yourfriends,” I say into the silence.
This seems to alert Maddox in some way, at least, because I can see his hands tighten around the wheel. “They were never my friends. I was just expected to hang out with them.”
“She also told me about her horse and what happened that day.”
This time, Maddox visibly flinches.
“Why did you not stop them?” I ask, deciding to be straightforward. “I understand you weren’t in on it, but you ran into the mob, didn’t you? You could have done something!”
“I know, my biggest fuckup!” he blurts out, much to my surprise. “Fuck! I didn’t know the others were up to something so awful. When I caught up with them, I told them to stop, but they wouldn’t listen,” he pauses. “It’s not an excuse, however. I was too passive, always have been. It’s why they don’t really respect me. I should have been much more insistent; I should have commanded them.”
“You don’t care,” I say.
“Excuse me?” For a split second, Maddox looks truly upset. “Of course I care! The pack members mean something to me-”
“That’s not what I meant,” I interrupt him. “Sorry, it came out wrong. I know you care about your pack members, or you wouldn’t have helped Gwen escape. It’s just… you barely talk. It’s like the switch is off. Like you are numb. You are not here.”
Maddox is quiet for a while. “I don’t feel much anymore,” he admits.
“What about Charlie?” I ask.
For the first time in these two days, I see his eyes light up, and something like warmth bleeds into his features. “Oh, she is amazing! She has so much personality, and she is beautiful and smart!”
“She would make an interesting luna,” I say with a smile. “With her strong personality and her quirky appearance, she will definitely make an impact.”
“She doesn’t want to be luna,” Maddox says.
I am not sure what to answer. I guess he is right. Charlie loves her pack. She has family there, and she was lonely for so many years that her family means the world to her. “I think she would be amazing,” I say.
“Yes, she would be amazing, and I would never let anyone change who she is...“ Maddox gazes out of the window briefly. “But I don’t think she will want to become luna.”
