“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice cracking achingly.
“You and I, both of us, sold ourselves off for a safer and more comfortable situation. We sold our bodies, and we sold our futures. Your choice was obviously a much wiser transaction than mine because Mason is a better, kinder man. But don’t you… don’t you want your body and your future to belong only to you?”
I stare at her. Her lovely, delicate features blur before me. I can’t speak. Not even a word.
“Don’t you want to be able to choose who you’re with and what you do and how you spend your life?”
“I thought…” My throat closes up. “I thought I did choose.”
“You chose the best of only bad options. Just like I did. I’m not judging you any more than I’m judging myself. But I want better, and because Ben is leaving, I’ve found a better option. One that will let me be more free. No longer live imprisoned by this oppressive world that does nothing but tighten its grip.”
I’m breathing heavily. I stare down at the wrinkled skirtof my shabby blue dress, which I changed into when I got flour from baking all over my trousers.
Annabelle doesn’t rush me. She sits and waits silently as I try to process the tempest of thoughts in my head.
Finally I’m capable of speaking. “I… I see what you’re saying. I understand. And the world did feel like that to me before… before I married and moved here. But it doesn’t anymore. Mason… he isn’t like that.”
“I’m not saying he is. But the world is still like that. In the Central Cities at least.”
“I… I really like him.”
“He can come too. Maybe he wants more choices in his life like we do. The world has heartlessly tossed him back and forth too.”
“He loves this farm. He likes his life here. So… so do I.”
“Okay. Really, Teresa. I’m not trying to bully you into doing something you don’t want. I just want you to really think about it before you decide.”
“I will. I promise. I’ll talk to Mason and think about it. When do you need to know?”
“Not until the very last minute. Like I said, I’m going to visit Mother tomorrow. Then our ride across the border leaves at midnight tomorrow night. At the ruins of that old market you used to scavenge in. You can just show up there if you want to go. Or even just to say goodbye if you decide to stay. But if you don’t show up, then I’ll know your decision.”
I nod, relieved by the reprieve and the time to processeverything that’s happened today. “Okay. That sounds good. I’ll think about it and talk to Mason. And if we… or just me… decide to leave with you, we’ll be there before midnight.”
I don’t have a chance to talk to Mason alone until we’ve gotten into bed.
Annabelle is sleeping in the small bed in my room, and Ben is in the barn.
Mason has been very quiet since he, Ben, and Bill returned from the farthest pasture. He was clearly trying to be polite over dinner, but I know him well now.
He’s been closed up like a city gate since Ben and Annabelle showed up.
When he gets under the covers beside me, we lie facing each other in the dark.
“What are you gonna do?” he asks at last, very gruff.
“I… I don’t know. I wanted to talk about it with you.”
“Okay.”
I sigh when he says nothing else. It’s really hard to talk to him when he’s tense and guarded like this. “What do you think?”
“I think… You gotta do what you think best.”
“So you don’t want to… leave? With me?”
“This farm is my home.”
My heart sinks. I don’t even know why. “I know it is.”
