So frustrated and flushed and self-conscious and wondering if I should even be doing this, I sprawl on my bed on top on the covers and slowly catch my breath.
I’m still so restless.
I want something I’m not getting.
If I don’t find something to do with myself this afternoon, I’m going to lie here for hours bored and discontent.
So I get up, put on my work boots and a sweater over my trousers and top, grab my shoulder bag, and go outside.
I check the barn and nearby pasture, but Mason and the cows are nowhere to be seen. I’ll be back before he returns for dinner, so there’s no reason to leave a note.
Starting to walk, I head for the ruins of that indoor market so I can scavenge for a few hours.
I don’t have to anymore since I don’t need to replenish Lorraine’s supply of trinkets, but I might find something we can use. There might be more jewelry where I found it last month, and that will always be helpful for bribes in the future.
And even if I don’t find anything good, at least it will get me out of the cottage.
Three hours later, I’ve managed to unearth a few more pieces of that good quality jewelry and a few batteredbooks that look more readable than the ones at the house I’ve been trying.
I’m pleased with the results, and I walk back feeling better. I’ll still get back to the cottage at least an hour before dinner, so I’ll have plenty of time to cook the meal and have it ready when Mason, Bill, and the cows return.
The first thing that alerts me is Bill bounding toward me when the farm comes into sight.
The dog is exuberantly happy to see me, so I lean over to greet him warmly. “Why are you back so early?” I ask him, straightening up to complete my walk to the cottage. “Did you leave Mason and the cows to come back on your own?”
Bill, of course, has no clear answer for me. He sees his ball where he dropped it when he caught sight of me and rushes over to grab it, tossing it as high in the air as he can with a swing of his head and then galloping after it when it bounces and rolls across the grass.
I’m laughing at his clever method of playing by himself as I climb the porch steps and reach for the front door.
I squeal when the door opens without warning, and I almost stumble, losing my balance.
Then Mason is there. Big and tense and filling the doorway with his big body.
We stare at each other in astonishment for a few seconds.
Then the tension on his face breaks into a scowl. “Where the fucking hell have you been?” he demands, his voice louder and angrier than I’ve ever heard it.
I was startled by his sudden appearance, and now I’m even more shocked at his outburst. I step backward, my heart hammering and my throat closing up like a crisis has emerged out of the blue. “I was… I was scavenging.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me? I came back and you were gone!”
He’s angry with me. That much is clear. He feels much bigger than normal. Towering over me as he glares. He’s holding a pre-Fall rifle. He always wears a small handgun in a holster on his belt as he works to protect the animals from predators, but I’ve never seen him with such a big weapon before.
“I’m… I’m sorry!” There’s a sob in my throat, and it’s nearly blocking my voice. “I didn’t… I didn’t…”
Why is he holding that gun?
I’d never believe he would physically hurt me, but he’s scary right now in a way he’s never been to me before.
“You didn’t what? Think about leaving me a note or telling me beforehand? What the hell is wrong with you?”
I’m shaking now. All over. Even my teeth are chattering. I hug my arms to my chest and back away from him, down the porch steps. I trip on the bottom step.
I would have fallen if he hadn’t taken two long steps and reached out with his free hand to catch me.
He doesn’t let go of my elbow, and it scares me evenmore. I don’t fight. I’m not like Annabelle. My instinct is never to lash out or attack when I’m afraid.
This world has never been gentle, and fighting back has only ever made it worse. Lorraine taught me that, if nothing else.
